by skillessgtarist » Thu Mar 15, 2001 2:12 pm
Hornplayer, kudos to you and your excellent writings on societal flaws, and I agree with you entirely, I would just like to voice <BR>similar disdain for american society and government in my own words.<P> First of all, I shall begin with describing in mostly vague detail, myself.I am your average joe, below average in many ways though. For one, my intelligence does not, and cannot possibly exceed the intelligence of horn player, id be lucky if I were to possess half the brain cells he does. I am a guitar player, but i hate how crappily i play. I try and try, but for the amount of time ive spent, i feel somewhat dissapointed, because I am <BR>nothing greater than mediocre, if that.<P> I am not a great athlete, nor am I a great artist. I have scoured for talent, and have <BR>found i Have absolutely no forte. Every night, before I go to sleep, I hope and wish that i will excell in something other than <BR>being a good for nothing. My pleas have fallen upon deaf ears, as If there are any such ears devine enough to answer me with a <BR>miracle. I constantly ponder as to why,why indeed must I be so below my standards? It seems nothing short of unfair, that I see <BR>less intelligent people, getting better things.<P> Dumbest people seem to get the best girlfriends, money, cars ect. Peer pressure<BR>does exist, I am not quite as iron-willed as hornplayer, I have been found to give into a few minor things to keep myself out of<BR>ridicule, but id say that i have preserved alot of my individuality. I dress and act as I please, and I do what i want without<BR>caring what other people think. Id say that is my solitary good quality, that I do what I want, without regard to what ANYONE<BR>thinks. I do mean that too, it all started in my sophomore year, toward the end, I really wanted to put bleach tips in my hair. <BR>Before this time, I was primarily submissive and did plenty of things to stay popular.<P> Anyway, I was wrought with fear in my<BR>decision , fear of ridicule, and of rumors. Then I went ahead and got it done. I loved the way it looked. And i asked my<BR>friends what the thought of it. And my one ruthless bastard of a "friend" told me it looked like crap, and even went so far as to<BR>call it "nasty-looking". For the first time im my life, when i was insulted upon something, I didnt feel hurt, or outcast. I <BR>was happy at myself, I actually managed to not give a damn about what other people thought.<P> From this point on, I was reveling in<BR>my individuality, wearing what in really wanted to, having fun, speaking in public and everything. I am quite sure that I'm far<BR>from popular, I'm also quite sure that many people will go so far as to call me strange. I dont care. I really dont, I am me,<BR>here I am, take it or leave it. Its a wonderful feeling, that i know most people dont have the pleasure of experiencing. Of<BR>course I am only human, and once in a very long while i will allow someones opinion to affect me, but i eventually talk myself out<BR>of it, and go ahead and do as I please. I do things because I want to, I wear clothes that I really like, I listen to music that captures my heart, and I associate with people wothy of trust and friendship. The lesson to be learned from my experience?<P> Live your life as you. You dont want to die an old man, and having died as an illusion, or a fraud. I believe that would be the<BR>ultimate dissapointment. Someday, when im very old, ill look back and say "I lived life to the fullest, and as myself" submitting<BR>to other peoples wishes and desires are a waste of time. Be yourself and true friends shall come.<P> Of course, Im still jealous of<BR>people who are better than me, because I see them everyday. But I have realized my limitations, and there are many, let me tell<BR>you, but at least i have accepted them. Sorry If i have rambled on, please respond with your thoughts.
