Hello everyone

[hornplayer]

Hi, Im back, but not for long...I know that I disappeared suddenly, but not by my own choosing...anyway, I have not gotten to read all of the new posts (more than 100) since I was last here, so it will be a while till I catch up. I am continuing to write the second part to my grand story, and Ill post it as soon as I can. At the moment, I am in my studyhall in the schools library, fifth period.<P>Anyway, I would like to again thank those that read my posts and those that have missed me. My solo is coming along well, and, as I said, short of the last eight bars, on a good day I can play the whole piece pretty well.<P>As for how I am doing, because I know that some of you have expressed concern for my well-being, Im extremely up-and-down...someone had expressed concern that I am revealing too much, but I have not said anything that I wouldnt tell my friends who live near me. Anyway...Id have to say that the past month has been very hard...my interests in basically everything have diminished, and my grades have already started to fall...I used to think that I never put effort into school...but the effects of REALLY putting no effort in is becoming clear. Perhaps it is my nature, I dont know, but Ive lost all drive to really attempt anything...call me a quitter, it doesnt matter to me.<P>Id have to say that the one thing that has kept me, probably, alive, is a friend of mine who has within the last few weeks become the most important person in my life. I do not know if she knows that...that is probably one of the few things I wouldnt tell her. She had fallen on hard times, and because of that weve become very close...every free moment that we have is spent together...before rehearsals, after, weekends, nights, whenever we can get together. Had it not been for her and the great times that we have together, I cannot safely say that Id be around to write this...Im not sure about anything anymore, but I can tell you that the she is the greatest thing that has happened to me, and that the time I spend with her would not be better spent anywhere else.<P>Ive hated school now more than ever, and people in general have started to really tick me off...Ive already have had people say that when I go on my mad rampage to remember who my friends are...<P>Well, the period is over, so I have to go...

[John]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hornplayer:<BR><B>Hi, Im back, but not for long...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hornplayer:<P>I can't possibly speak for everyone who participates in these forums, but realize you do have virtual friends out there who care about you. I am one of them. Take care not to give up hope and understand that there is help here as well. If you would like to drop me a personal line, simply send e-mail to jcarrier@beethoven.com.<P>Everyone is important - everyone's life matters. The problem sometimes is that many people don't realize it until it becomes too late. Well, I realize it, so you hang in there!<P>John<P><BR>

[serge urtizberea]

Hp, it is good to see you back. Clearly, things aren't going too swell for you. I imagine that this is something that will require some time to get over. Trust me in that we have all experienced something similar at some point in our lives. Try not to let your grades slip, though. An education is a terrible thing to waste; esp. for someone as "intense" as you.<P>If I have ever put you on the spot because of my hectoring, I apologize. Do not take anything I wrote the wrong way. Sometimes I can be guilty of "not having tact", if you will, and it's something I am trying to fix. No matter what your peers at school think, you do have sympathizers, well-wishers, and friends right here. You can email me personally, too. I would be glad to help out however I can. Hang in there, okay? Make sure you stick around.

[audiogirl]

Whoever said that the teenage years were the best in life must have had a pretty bad memory. It does get better. Really.

[EJA_2]

Good to hear from you, Hornplayer. You got my e-mail, right? My invitation stands anytime you want. <P>Buck up, you'll make it yet! Ride that bronc right into the ground! We're rooting for you!<P> -- EJA

[hornplayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by audiogirl:<BR><B> It does get better. Really.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>When does that happen? Call me pessimisstic, but the future has always seemed to be littered with the same garbage as the present.<P>

[The Great Mazinga]

HB -<P>Ut sementem feceris ita metes. <P>or<P>what you plant, you shall reap.<P>not meant mean spirited, but just honest after your last comment. Sometimes, you have to work to be happy and to see the good or improve the situation. <P>Gotta take active steps to improve the situation, and then it will get better...I am sure that many of us do the same in our own lives. Right now, you are just reinforcing your own doubts.<p>[This message has been edited by The Great Mazinga (edited 03-23-2001).]

[audiogirl]

Take hope, Andrew. From what you've said, it sounds like you are a good student with a lot of potential. Sounds like you're at a small school. A lot of people who don't seem to have any soulmates find them in college, at bigger campuses, where there's a bigger music department and lots of people with the same passion for the music and the other stuff that you love.<P>Here's a thought: check with your H.S. counselor on your options for after-high-school education. Maybe it will give you something to look forward to. There are also interest inventories (little questionnaires that narrow down possible career choices) that will guide you in thinking about what you want to do, which could help you in making a college choice, because most colleges have stronger programs and weaker programs.<P>The Strong-Campbell Interest Inventory is one that comes to mind.<P>Have you talked face-to-face with any older people about how you feel? Friends are essential, but sometimes an adult friend outside the family is a good sounding board.<P>E-mail me at audiogirl@beethoven.com if you wish.<P>It's been said that when God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.<P>I have found it to be true.

[EJA_2]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hornplayer:<BR><B> When does that happen? Call me pessimisstic, but the future has always seemed to be littered with the same garbage as the present.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Man derives almost the whole of his happiness from hope. Those without hope are unhappy. Of course, you need some basis for hope. Sometimese the difference between pessimism and realism seems to blur. Usually it's because we need to see the optometrist. The pessimist is no more rational than the euphoric. The euphoric doesn't care if he's rational. The pessimist thinks he is. Everyone is somewhere between these extremes. No one has the intellect to be a true realist because that would require omniscience. Probably the best thing that a pessimist can do is stop worrying about himself and start thinking about other people, doing things for those who are less fortunate, etc. It'll take your mind of your own problems, which you can do nothing about, and put it to work on something that you will eventually come to view as worthwhile. <P> -- EJA<P>

[~Leslie]

Hi Hornplayer, Just covering up an offensive post here, my guess is that you need to get more in tune with your spiritual side.<BR>Just a thought. ~

[EJA_2]

Leslie,<P>Are you saying you found my post to be offensive. If so, may I ask why? <BR> <P> -- EJA

[~Leslie]

Oops, no EJA, covering up the guy who flamed<BR>Prov, in the other thread. ~<p>[This message has been edited by ~Leslie (edited 03-24-2001).]

[provistbrahms]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ~Leslie:<BR>[B]Oops, no EJA, covering up the guy who flamed<BR>Prov, in the other thread. ~<P>Is it your goal to keep the peace in the offensive posts against me? <BR>Hp never lose hope. I know from personal expirence if your internal fire goes out. You are in despair. I think you should take Leslie's advice and get in touch with your spiritual side. It will if you let it reignite your internal flame of hope...<P><p>[This message has been edited by provistbrahms (edited 03-25-2001).]

[~Leslie]

Yes, I did try to hide it, because it did not seem to warrant drawing a sword, it was familiar hit & run tactic. So I diffused, deflected, and diverted.<P>Prov, you need to be careful with trying to convert others, we're talking about a time span of 300+ years, and some ppl are never going to get it, no matter how hard you try, or how much you write about it. ~

[hornplayer]

"The light we see at the end of the tunnel<BR>is the light of the oncoming train"<P>Just a quote I picked up somewhere, sorry I cant remember who it is.<P>Id also like to comment on something else...I know that my posts, from the time that I started here to now, have taken a nosedive...and many have expressed their displeasure at my negativism. But I cant stop, and wont stop writing and talking to all of you, because I know that you are listening...someone the other day had commented to me that I act like no one listens to me...somewhat of the truth. My parents, supposedly the guiding light in a persons life, have never helped...instead of helping they simply get angry and dismiss whatever I tell them...Ive lost touch with many of my friends, and my closest friend is in the same condition as me...The marking quarter ends this Friday...Im in for a lot of trouble...I owe work in every class for about a month back when this began...Ive got a test in Math, Chemistry, Music History, and English, and with the exception of music history, Im im deep trouble...I failed my last vocab test, got a 74 on the last major english test, failed the last two chemistry quizes...goodbye college scholarships, I hardly knew ye...we just finished the school musical, but my parents decided that that was a perfect time to start screaming at me for being ten minutes late home on two days, so any thought of the musical brings anxiety and not a smile...with the report card coming ill likely be grounded, and will not be able to see my friend, and shes the last thing that I look forward to each day, short of the classical music, my unerring friend...<P>But on the plus side, the odds of me doing anything seriously self-destructive is very slim, considering that anytime I thought that I was close I never did anything. Everyone breathe a sigh of relief that Ill be around for a while...Im sure I wont be.<P>Somebody had commented that you only get what you put in...I couldnt agree more. But if you knew that you were going to fail at everything you tried and that anything brining happiness today would bring sorrow tomorrow, youd find it hard to simply roll out of bed in the morning.<P>You know what, Nicole Marie, delete this post, delete all of my posts and threads, no one here feels like listening to me or my negativism, all those people were right, this isnt the place for this...Im sorry, I shouldnt have come here, get rid of all of this and pretend I never existed. Ill leave you all alone...goodbye everyone, I wont bother you with my troubles, and if you never hear from me again, "Hope for the best but expect the worst." Or something like that.

[TallBlondeFlutist]

Oh, Hornplayer.<P>I am new to this, so I don't know all that has gone before, but I do know that you see deeply discouraged. (Maybe that's not a strong enough word, but it is all I can come up with now.) :confused<P>Anyway, there are people who care. Even if it's not your parents, don't, don't, don't give up.<P>Take a look. Many in this forum have indicated that they care.<P>School can be tough, as can the rest of life. Do your best. Right now it might not be much, but you ARE good at some things . Focus on that!! And get help. There are places where you can go - even if your parents don't support it.<P>PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE talk to someone!

[EJA_2]

Oh, Hornplayer, you could make a grown man cry. You must get help. You can't do this by yourself. Solomon said a man's spirit sustains him in adversity, but a broken spirit who can bear? You can't pull yourself up. Someone will have to lift you. Please, please give them the chance. <P> -- EJA

[Peter]

Ditto from me, Hornplayer. We do listen to you, & we do understand what you're going through. Many of us have been there, trust me. Don't lose touch - our collective experiences here are considerable, & we will help in any way we can. I think you already know that. Just hang on in there, & continue to use us as your sounding board. We all want to see you come out of this crisis intact.<P>Peter & Clare

[serge urtizberea]

How hard all this must be, hp. You are certainly far from alone, of course. Thousands and thousands of teens on this continent go through similar things during their most formative years. It takes a lot of courage and aplomb to be able to cope, esp. when no one else you know can really relate. But you must heed me and us when we say this is something NOT to be dealt with alone. Your friend is a sympathizer (as are all of us) and you must make the best use of that, so to speak. We can offer condolences and a crying shoulder, but we are all at arm's-length. In the long run, I doubt we will be key in your triumph over your "baggage".<P>I sense that your parents are a major reason behind all this torment. No parent could ever truly hate their kid, but why are they so disappointed with you that they'd yell at you for coming home ten minutes late? I just can't fathom it. You may need to get away from them if they are being harmful emotionally or (God forbid) even physically, but if you choose that path, choose it after you graduate, so that no matter what, options are still open. College will still be there for you if you need to work a year or two to pay for it.<P>I pray that it isn't your parents who are the key issue here, and that it may be something more "personal". Whatever happens, you are going to need to act on it quick. Have you contacted a counselor? Emailed any of us personally? Sat down with your parents and talked things out? If not, you MUST. You absolutely MUST. You'll have to pardon me, but you cannot continue to post to us the latest chapter on why your life is nosediving without letting us know that you are working to remedy the situation as well. It's a little like calling us on your cellphone with updates while in a car that's lost its brakes and is careening towards a tree. Action is required, hp. Nothing in life comes easy to those who deserve it, it seems, but, oh, what a feeling it is when you accomplish the difficult or impossible.<P>I hope you understand.

[lliam]

Dear H.P, I would like to Endorse PETER&CLAIR'S posting.<P> Here is a quote from some one who must have felt the same as you are feeling right now. But he never gave up, once he had made his way through life he made a few, reflection's on his past. This is just a small passage from a book of his that I read some time ago, for the life of me I can't remember the Title of the Book. Anyhow have a look at this quote and see if it gives you some Hope for the Future! I would also like to add that you are in our Prayer's.<BR>Kindest Regards.<BR>Lliam&June.<P><BR>Under-estimating their own worth and potential<P>Without self-respect, ambition and a genuine appreciation of their own worth, most people are unable to overcome everyday problems which the true entrepreneur sees as challenges from which to learn and prosper.<P>Among the world's richest and most powerful men and women we find most are born into ordinary families, go to ordinary schools, have average intelligence. Very few were born rich. What they do have, without exception, is a belief in themselves and a knowledge that one day they would be wealthy.<P>American studies of the rich and famous agree on three main characteristics of self-made millionaires, being:<P> Never doubting that one day they would be rich.<P> Understanding that only positive action could help them achieve their <BR> ambitions.<P> An unconditional desire to succeed.<P>P.S,<P> Dear Hornplayer,<BR> even though this quote is about a person who became a self made Millionare. I think the same applies to all aspects of life, richness doesn't always mean monetary wealth. Quality of life is very important. Your richness could be that you have a very passionate yearning for music and because it isn't shared by other Poeple in your life you get very frustrated. One thing leads to another and before you know it you become very Depressed. I do hope I have given you something to think about. And remember your girl friend will beleive in you when you get to know each other a little more.<BR>Lliam&June.