Jokes

[Shapley]

And I thought it was just a toilet seat cover...

[Shapley]

Finally!

Selma will be so pleased that I found this...

[Shapley]

[Shapley]

[Shapley]

I think "Suddenness Happens" would make a cool bumper sticker....

[Shapley]

Enjoy the view...

[Shapley]

[Shapley]

Good luck finding it!

[Selma in Sandy Eggo]

Good luck finding it!

Go down the stairs, it's indoors on the left. Dead simple. No problem.
I translate "engineer" to "mechanic" all the time: this was easy.

I do appreciate the Grammar Crisis Room...

[Shapley]

I seem to suffer lots of grammar crises, so I thought you'd be glad I found.

Now if I can just get the darned door open.....

[Shapley]

This, of course, is where you go to learn to speak proper Engrish....

[barfle]

Not velly funny, Shaprey.

[dai bread]

I find the mis-use of English is funny, until I start to think about my own ability in other languages, which is minimal, and largely confined to words picked up from operatic libretti.

I also remember that one of the reasons so few Pakeha learnt Maori was that so many Maori derided our efforts. It took great determination to stick with it. No, I'm not one who did, but there are others.

[Serenity]

Comedian Adam Sandler's birthday was last Tuesday, Sept 9th.
Here's one of his songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_-KbstEG4E

[Serenity]

Chippen Dale's - Cast your vote

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RajNvJ3bCU

[Serenity]

Buffed, Beautiful and Bitchin'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yTlVynq ... re=related

[Trumpetmaster]

OMG,
too funny...

[jamiebk]

Loved the curling iron lips

[jamiebk]

The Presidential election was over and neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

It was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, John Mc. returned and he had ten fish. Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having a bad day and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John Mc. is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John Mcain cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Experience does count . . .

##########################################
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President.

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle.'

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.'

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with.

[Shapley]

If Biblical Headlines were written by today's media...

On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost

On raising Lazarus from the dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will Reading to be Delayed