"And now for something completely different"

[piqaboo]

over-fed, and slightly nauseated tenors and hula girls. After their limited sheep stomach diet, the haggis-gelato tasted delicious, but was too rich for AEBT and Lula . In addition to gas, both had a serious case of deja vu. They were certain they'd smelled that particular haggis-gelato-preparing smell before, <Particularly since the smell blended well with those emitted by.....Shapley>, <The poor fellow who had to disinfect the air conditioner...>. He was the one who <...found that the problem was in fact due to Izzy's stash stuck in the ductwork. It was packed untidily in> something that looked like but wasnt <a brown paper bag covered in enigmatic figures drawn in red crayon. > ]. Memory, it was so illusive... was that really a smell or were they .......

<small>[ 10-03-2003, 07:46 AM: Message edited by: piqaboo ]</small>

[barfle]

...directly injecting stimuli into his brain? The tricorder made no indication of flatulence other than Lula's, unhindered by her grass skirt.

No, it was clear now that he was under the influence of a Plutonian Mental Spear (PMS) - the most sinister weapon west of the Pecos. As he tried to put the sensation of odor out of his mind, he concentrated what little brain power he had left trying to remember what the training officer had told him about this situation.

Was there an antidote, or a shield, or had he simply said "If you think you smell haggis, and the tricorder only shows plastic hula-doll flatulence, remove your glasses and any sharp objects from your pockets, bend over, grasp your ankles with both hands, raise your head high between your knees, and kiss your hiney good-bye."

No, he was sure that was the instruction for genuine haggis, not the PMS kind. Think, tenor, think! Or maybe it was Laugh, clown, laugh - no, that was another opera. But Hark! A thought was coming thro' the rye! Slowly, through the fog, it began to become clear. He simply had to...

[OperaTenor]

...was simply taste it and see if it was the real thing or not! After all he is a haggis connoisseur(especially when it's in a drambuie and cream sauce!). He just needed to be sure and not choke on any pearls in the process. (As AEBT was pondering this, he was pacing dangerously close to the edge. As he took one more step...

<small>[ 10-03-2003, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: operatenor ]</small>

[Shapley]

...he plunged heardfirst into the abyss. Or was it a bass? Whichever, it smelled fishy. not at all like the odor eminating from the orchestras wind section.

Meanwhile, the deranged soprano was alternately singing on key and off key, and sometimes in no discernable key at all. Her antics made her as popular with her fellow performers as a 50 Kg ballerina. But she didn't care, she was living La Diva Loco. Life is good if you aren't smart enough to know how bad it was. She didn't even care that the tenor....

<small>[ 10-03-2003, 09:41 AM: Message edited by: Shapley ]</small>

[OperaTenor]

...upon landing at the bottom of the very shallow abyss, found himself standing on the very doorstep of... the castle Anthrax!!! As he stood pondering, the door opened, and a lovely little thing introducing herself as "Zoot" greeted him warmly, and asked:"Do you seek the Grail?" "No m'lady", he replied, "I'm a musician. A wand'ring minstrel I, a thing of threads and patches. Of shreads of songs and snatches of dreamy lullabies. My catalogue is long-" "Stop!" Zoot said shapley...uh...I mean, sharply, "I've heard quite enough. Next!" "But, m'lady, does that not mean I pass the test?" AEBT asked. "Just leave your head etching and scribed resume' at the drawbridge gate as you leave. Don't summon us, we'll summon you." Dejectedly, AEBT shuffled out of the castle, only to meet...

<small>[ 10-03-2003, 09:46 AM: Message edited by: operatenor ]</small>

[haggis]

Shcowp

Ewefer??

Bram?

[OperaTenor]

<The above has to be the shortest post on record for Haggis...>

[piqaboo]

baby shcowp: clambf
Mature female shcowp: cew (pronounced "coo")
immature " " - I likes ewefer - thanks Haggis!
male shcowp: to be avoided at all costs.

<small>[ 10-03-2003, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: piqaboo ]</small>

[Shapley]

RE:<<male shcowp: to be avoided at all costs>>

Would that be a bam, bum, rull, rall, or beep?

V/R
Shapley

Oops! Sorry, I didn't see that Haggis had already answered that - Bram.

<small>[ 10-03-2003, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: Shapley ]</small>

[piqaboo]

its starting to look a lot like a "ramble",
the way we are going on.

[Shapley]

so, picking up where we left off....

... only to meet the old man from scene 23, who spoke: "Halt! Who approacheth the bridge of death must answer me these questions three!"

AEBT replied: "Ask the me the questions, bridgekeeper, I am not afraid."

"How many stomachs does a shcowp have?" asked the old man.

"Four" replied AEBT, confidently.

"What is the average tensile load on a nanotube ribbon 1 meter wide and 116,700 kilometers long, anchored to the earth and one end and an orbital platform capable of launching spacecraft for interplanetary travel, laden with a 9100 tonne payload while travelling at a velocity of 500 km/hr outbound from the earth?" asked the old man.

To which AEBT replied...

<small>[ 10-03-2003, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: Shapley ]</small>

[haggis]

“9,100 tonnes? Metric or standard? Short or long? English or American?”

To which the OMFS23 replied ” Huh? I-- I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!

Ed. “have you no shame?” “Plaguerising - English spelling, American spelling “Plaguerizing” MPATHG, can you sink no farther?”

Haggis: “Well, actually, yes, I feel I’m capable of sinking to such depths as to be viewed as rising on the other side of the 6…or is it 7? Sided cube of a world we live on”

Ed. “Oh, never mind then, while your at it can you work in the piece about the “HHGOA” and the best line (well, one of them) in MPATHG “He'll do you a treat, mate,"

Haggis: “we’ll see, I’m still working out my reaction to “Shcowp” – brilliant, wish I had said that!”

OT: Mutters to himself “You probably will!”

Haggis: “What did you say?”

OT: “Ahhhh, you’re still sharp??”

Haggis: In his best Stan Freeburg voice, “We’re keeping our eye on you”

Ed. “Sigh, tell me you’re NOT going to plagiarize Freb…..”

Haggis: Interrupting “Shhhh, half of ‘em out there weren’t even BORN when he did the ‘Little Blue Riding Hood’ Shtick!!”

Back to the thread

“Pardon me ma’am I’m Sgt Thursday and I’m investigating the apparent brutal murder of the OMSF23 lying at the bottom of the Canyon.” “Can you tell me what you were doing here at the time he was pushed off the cliff………

[Shapley]

Now just a minute!

We've successfully killed off a whole spaceship full of Martian colonists, including Tim Robbins and Bruce Willis. I very nearly did Izzy in, but he was saved only by the intervention of Selma. And only now does Thursday show up to investigate an old man who fell into a bass?

The whole thing smells fishy to me. If you'll pardon my saying so, this whole story is beginning to stretch the limits of believability just a bit.

Oh, well! At least it's only Thursday! Thank goodness it's not Friday!

V/R
Shapley

[Selma in Sandy Eggo]

Back to the thread

“Pardon me ma’am I’m Sgt Thursday and I’m investigating the apparent brutal murder of the OMFS23 lying at the bottom of the Canyon.” “Can you tell me what you were doing here at the time he was pushed off the cliff………"

Why, I was knitting, sir. Sitting and knitting, sir. My sister spins the shcowp fleeces into the yarn, and I knit them into the World Afghan, abandoned by Izzy on the occasion of his disastrous Ravenly near-demise, so as to cuddle the seven sided cube in comfort.

The OMSF23 was supposed to be guarding our bridge, so that we wouldn't be interrupted and distracted, but he was struck by a flying clambf, and the reverse albino jay couldn't catch him, and the nanotube thread was out of position, so he fell. The haggis couldn't save him.

Now go away, or my other sister will snip your thread with her shears!

Appalled, Investigator Thursday turned and saw...

[piqaboo]

< Selma, lolasomf! >

<small>[ 10-03-2003, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: piqaboo ]</small>

[Shapley]

a dozen tiny nannies knitting carbon molecules into tiny tubes. (carbon nanny tubes, of course )

Thursday departs, to make way for Friday, who was calmy sipping Venutian espresso with...

[dkm32]

...three gals singing "...Everything is a source of fun, Nobody's safe, for we care for none, Life is a joke that's just begun". Of course, featuring a disguised AEBT on tricycle. AEBT suspects, but doubts, that one of the other TLMFS is Lulu, hiding from the Royal High Executioner. And, the third, TLMFS, Katisha, is currently sheering Shcowps to make quilts for a ladies' seminary...

<small>[ 10-03-2003, 06:19 PM: Message edited by: dkm32 ]</small>

[piqaboo]

schowp-sheering Katisha is shinging "3 blind mice, 3 blind mice, see how they run, see how they run, they all run after the farmers wife who cut off their tales with a carving knife, to use the tales in the quilt of her life, 3 blind mice". Now, Katisha is soprano, so naturally the AEBT immediately......

<small>[ 10-05-2003, 07:27 PM: Message edited by: piqaboo ]</small>

[OperaTenor]

...whips off his AEBT disguise to reveal that he's actually Nanki-poo, and eveyone knows how burned he got by Yum-Yum, so he's sworn off sopranos ever since. So, after a couple of rousing G&S choruses, N-P was able to discern which of the other two was Lula, grabbed her hand, and dragged her off to...

[dkm32]

...Watertown, South Dakota. There they hid in a empty freight train, drinking lots of milk and eating lots of corn. Suddenly, he realized...