GWB humor

Everyone loves a healthy debate. Post an idea or comment about a current event or issue. Let others post their ideas also. This area is for those who love to explore other points of view.

Moderator: Nicole Marie

Re: GWB humor

Postby Avivaldi72 » Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:50 am

New Battle Hymn of the Republic

Mine Eyes have seen the bungling of that stumbling moron Bush;
He has blathered all the drivel that the neo-cons can push;
He has lost sight of all reason 'cause his head is up his tush;
The Doofus marches on.

I have heard him butcher syntax like a kindergarten fool;
There is warranted suspicion that he never went to school;
Should we fault him for the policies -- or is he just a tool?
The lies keep piling on.

Glory! Glory! How he'll screw ya!
Glory! Glory! How he'll screw ya!
Glory! Glory! How he'll screw ya!
His wreckage will live on.

I have seen him cut the taxes of the billionaires' lone heir;
As he spends another zillion on an aircraft carrier;
Let the smokestacks keep polluting -- do we really need clean air?
The surplus is all gone.

Glory! Glory! How he'll screw ya!
Glory! Glory! How he'll screw ya!
Glory! Glory! How he'll screw ya!
Your safety net is gone!

Now he had a mighty hankerin' to bomb a prostrate state;
Though the whole world knows its crazy -- and the U.N. said to wait;
When he didn't have the evidence, "We must prevaricate."
Diplomacy is done!

Oh, a trumped-up war is excellent; we have no moral bounds;
Should the reasons be disputed, we'll just make up other grounds;
Enraging several billions to his brainlessness redounds;
The Doofus marches on!

Glory! Glory! How he'll screw ya!
Glory! Glory! How he'll screw ya!
Glory! Glory! How he'll screw ya!
THIS...DOO...FUS...MAR...CHES...ON
SHRUB: Worst. President. Ever.

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.


Proud member of the Reality-Based Community
Avivaldi72
4th Chair
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 12:01 am
Location: Spirit Lake, Iowa

Re: GWB humor

Postby Serenity » Tue Oct 18, 2005 11:55 am

It is catchy....I keep blurting out lines out loud at work
Serenity
1st Chair
 
Posts: 4666
Joined: Sun May 18, 2003 12:01 am

Re: GWB humor

Postby Avivaldi72 » Tue Oct 18, 2005 11:14 pm

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the

Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What
are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she
never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have movedtwice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
SHRUB: Worst. President. Ever.

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.


Proud member of the Reality-Based Community
Avivaldi72
4th Chair
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 12:01 am
Location: Spirit Lake, Iowa

Re: GWB humor

Postby Avivaldi72 » Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:43 pm

George Bush's Nightly Prayer

Dear God,

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray that I can keep my Veep....

If I should die, before I wake,
Cause I have had all I can take....

My defense will be quite concise,
That I was given bad advice!

AMEN!

(c) Loree O'Neil 10/26/05
SHRUB: Worst. President. Ever.

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.


Proud member of the Reality-Based Community
Avivaldi72
4th Chair
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 12:01 am
Location: Spirit Lake, Iowa

Re: GWB humor

Postby BigJon@Work » Fri Oct 28, 2005 11:46 am

Now that one is funny, AV. Have you upgraded your sources? :)
"I am a 12 foot lizard." GCR Jan 31, 2006
BigJon@Work
2nd Chair
 
Posts: 2252
Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 12:01 am
Location: work. Duh!

Re: GWB humor

Postby shostakovich » Tue Nov 01, 2005 10:11 pm

CDC Alert

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning
about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted
disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous
and high risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced
"gonna re-elect him"). Many victims contracted it in
2004, after having been screwed for the past 4 years,
in spite of having taken measures to protect
themselves from this especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with
Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to:
Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of
grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic
mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive
dissonance; inability to incorporate new information;
pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept
responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice
masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled
facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history;
tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;
and a strong propensity for categorical,
all-or-nothing behavior.

The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and
epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this
malignant disease originated only a few years ago from
a Bush in Texas.
shostakovich
1st Chair
 
Posts: 3393
Joined: Sun Nov 26, 2000 1:01 am
Location: windsor, ct, usa

Re: GWB humor

Postby Trumpetmaster » Wed Nov 02, 2005 6:42 am

Shos,
That was GREAT!!!!
Needed to laugh this early in the AM!
Regards,
TM
Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.
Trumpetmaster
Patron
 
Posts: 11557
Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2004 12:01 am
Location: Long Island, NY

Re: GWB humor

Postby Serenity » Thu Nov 03, 2005 12:35 am

Vice President Dick Cheney has decided to go where no Republican has gone before. George "Sulu" Takei will replace Lewis "Scooter" Libby, who was indicted by a grand jury in the leak of C.I.A. operative Valerie Plame to the media. Cheney, flanked by Takei and President George Bush, pulled no punches at a press conference about his choice. "This man was in the closet for 68 years. He doesn't kiss and tell, literally."

Takei served on the Los Angeles City council in 1973, but he was still surprised by the choice. "I got the call from the Vice President right in the middle of my Pilates work out. You could have knocked me over with a phaser set to feather duster. Had I known that coming out would have launched me on a political career, I would have done it years ago."

The Vice President's former Chief of Staff, Libby, issued this statement: "I stand behind George Takei. Out of all the original Enterprise cast, I can think of no better choice."

President Bush immediately voiced his support for Takei. "Where would the Enterprise have been without Sulu? Lost. And George Takei is a man of both direction and directness. And when my Christian Republican colleagues say to me: 'But he's gay.' I say: 'We could all use a little happiness around here.'"

Bush was then asked that with half of his administration leaking classified information and the other half obstructing justice to cover it up how could the American people ever feel confident that the information on weapons of mass destruction used to wage war and depose Saddam Hussein was even true; and, further, how could they ever trust any information that comes from the White House again? Bush turned to Takei and said: "Beam me up, Sulu."
Serenity
1st Chair
 
Posts: 4666
Joined: Sun May 18, 2003 12:01 am

Re: GWB humor

Postby OperaTenor » Thu Nov 03, 2005 10:11 am

Sounds like you're quoting Borowitz.
"To help mend the world is true religion."
- William Penn

http://www.one.org
OperaTenor
Patron
 
Posts: 10457
Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2002 1:01 am
Location: Paradise with Piq & Altoid, southern California

Re: GWB humor

Postby OperaTenor » Wed Nov 23, 2005 10:31 pm

In a special pre-Thanksgiving radio address broadcast from the White House, President George W. Bush asked his fellow Americans to join him in giving thanks for the following things:

"My fellow Americans, let's be thankful for global warming, because as these winter months approach, it makes the world such a nice, toasty place.

"Let's be thankful to Brownie for doing such a good job, even if he doesn't have it anymore.

"Let's be thankful that we live in a place like America and not in a place like China where the doors are really tricky to open.

"Let's be thankful that even though my approval numbers are falling, they're still higher than my grades at Yale.

"Let's be thankful for Sony PlayStation Portable, which really helps you get through those long Cabinet meetings when they're going on and on about the economy.

"Let's be thankful that the year's almost over and I've managed to avoid talking to Cindy Sheehan.

"Let's be thankful that John Kerry waited until a year after the election to start saying smart things about Iraq.

"Let's be thankful to Rep. "Mean Jean" Schmidt (R-Ohio) for saying, 'Cowards cut and run, but the brave serve in the Alabama National Guard.'

"Let's be thankful that in nine months it will be August and then I can go on summer vacation again.

"Let's be thankful that we have such courageous men and women working at the CIA, and that we all know their names.

"And finally, my fellow Americans, let's be thankful that, even though we still haven't brought Osama bin Laden to justice, we did finally get Robert Blake."

- Andy Borowitz
"To help mend the world is true religion."
- William Penn

http://www.one.org
OperaTenor
Patron
 
Posts: 10457
Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2002 1:01 am
Location: Paradise with Piq & Altoid, southern California

Re: GWB humor

Postby Trumpetmaster » Thu Dec 01, 2005 12:09 pm

Not sure if this one has been posted....
Here you Go!

Bush Fans
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, Johnny. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a bush fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm an Al Gore fan."

The teacher asks why he's an Al Gore fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's an Al Gore fan and my dad's an Al Gore fan, so I'm an Al Gore fan!" The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're mom was a moron and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.
Trumpetmaster
Patron
 
Posts: 11557
Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2004 12:01 am
Location: Long Island, NY

Re: GWB humor

Postby OperaTenor » Mon Feb 13, 2006 1:30 pm

Still hard to find anything funny about the GWB administration, but.....

Sent: Friday, February 10, 2006 1:42 AM

Subject: Important News Alert!!!


In an attempt to thwart the spread of bird flu,
George W. Bush has bombed the Canary Islands.
"To help mend the world is true religion."
- William Penn

http://www.one.org
OperaTenor
Patron
 
Posts: 10457
Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2002 1:01 am
Location: Paradise with Piq & Altoid, southern California

Re: GWB humor

Postby Avivaldi72 » Wed Feb 15, 2006 12:50 am

Originally posted by TrumpetMaster:
Not sure if this one has been posted....
Here you Go!

[b] Bush Fans

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, Johnny. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a bush fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm an Al Gore fan."

The teacher asks why he's an Al Gore fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's an Al Gore fan and my dad's an Al Gore fan, so I'm an Al Gore fan!" The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're mom was a moron and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan." [/b]
So true! LMBO!
SHRUB: Worst. President. Ever.

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.


Proud member of the Reality-Based Community
Avivaldi72
4th Chair
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 12:01 am
Location: Spirit Lake, Iowa

Re: GWB humor

Postby Avivaldi72 » Wed Feb 15, 2006 12:52 am

A cute little poem someone sent me. I thought I'd share:

As heard on Air America...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I thought you were a quail
So I shot you....

Happy Valentines day.
SHRUB: Worst. President. Ever.

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.


Proud member of the Reality-Based Community
Avivaldi72
4th Chair
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 12:01 am
Location: Spirit Lake, Iowa

Re: GWB humor

Postby OperaTenor » Wed Feb 15, 2006 3:11 am

"To help mend the world is true religion."
- William Penn

http://www.one.org
OperaTenor
Patron
 
Posts: 10457
Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2002 1:01 am
Location: Paradise with Piq & Altoid, southern California

Re: GWB humor

Postby Shapley » Wed Feb 15, 2006 9:10 am

Someone is actually listening to Air America?
Quod scripsi, scripsi.
Shapley
Patron
 
Posts: 15196
Joined: Wed Nov 13, 2002 1:01 am
Location: Cape Girardeau, MO

Re: GWB humor

Postby madawab » Wed Feb 15, 2006 9:42 am

--
Last edited by madawab on Thu Jan 15, 2009 4:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"All men die. Not all men really live." - William Wallace
madawab
Section Player
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 12:01 am
Location: Manchester NH

Re: GWB humor

Postby Shapley » Wed Feb 15, 2006 10:40 am

madawab,

Watch your language, please.

BTW, that memo was supposed to be secret.

V/R
Shapley
Quod scripsi, scripsi.
Shapley
Patron
 
Posts: 15196
Joined: Wed Nov 13, 2002 1:01 am
Location: Cape Girardeau, MO

Previous

Return to The Debate Team

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot]

cron