Is Barack Obama the right leader for America?

[Serenity]

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date in quite sometime. She was afraid that there might be something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist, so she did.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose."

The woman did as she was told.

Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me."

So she did.

Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see, dat why you not
haf sex or dates." Confused, the woman asked, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what
is Ed Zachary disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied,
"Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."

[Shapley]

Where is that [groan] icon when you need it?

[Serenity]

A young man is wandering and lost in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door, he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I'm lost," said the young man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old, and entered the house.

During dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night, he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet, so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes, he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought."If that's the best the old man can do, then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window, and threw the boulder out.

As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted towards the ground, he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post."

[Serenity]

What do you call a retarded Chinese baby?

Sum Ting Wong

[Serenity]

A plane leaves the Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese." "No rike Chinese?" asks the co-pilot, "why not?"

"You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"

"No, no," the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Pearl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese."

"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all alike!"

There's a few minutes of silence.

"No rike Jews!" the co-pilot suddenly announces.

"Why not?" asks the captain.

"Jews sink Titanic."

"Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "it was an iceberg!"

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, Steinberg, no mattah...all same!"

[Serenity]

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey, man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

[Serenity]

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site.
The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either."

The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...



"SUPPLIES!!"

[BigJon@Work]

Did you wander into the wrong thread?

[Giant Communist Robot]

Before Barrack's Spend-o-rama ends, we'll have Tax-o-rama.

[Shapley]

Well, at least we can't call them "Tax and Spend" Democrats. The new moniker would be "Spend and Tax" Democrats Since they seem to have bought into the 'buy now, pay later' ideology.

Weren't they among those warning Americans that we had to lose that credit mentality?

[Giant Communist Robot]

I said a month ago that he was in over his head, but I thought he would be a quick study. Apparently not.

After reading his books, I felt he was a deep thinker, but not necessarily quick. I fear here he may be "lost in the trees" and can't see the forest. Detail and micromanagement.

I'll add he has good "people skills" and is a good public speaker with a fine voice. People will trust that stuff.

[Shapley]

I think he has his own goals which he desperately wants to enact, and he doesn't know how to balance those with the current economic situation. In fact, I'm not sure he even understands the current economic situation, and is counting on his treasury people to deal with it (as President Bush did, and Sen. McCain probably would have done). That's all well and good if your treasury people are good enough, and I don't think Geithner, et. al, are up to the task.

President Obama is bumping along, trying to sell what they tell him is needed, and hoping the economy will start to improve so he can start doing the things he set out to do.

I don't pretend to know the full extent of his goals, but I don't believe he told us all about them in campaigning. Remember that I pointed out before the election his campaign staff admitted you couldn't put a lot of stock in his campaign rhetoric.

[Shapley]

Does Obama Have What It Takes?

An opinion piece, to be sure, and not even one I agree with entirely. I just find it surprising, given that we're only 50 days into President Obama's 100 day honeymoon, that 'the establishment' is starting to question whether or not President Obama has the 'right stuff'. And this is Obamaweek...er... Newsweek that this is reported in. This does not bode well for him.

He has plenty of time to turn things around, but he's going to have to sit down and govern. The campaign is over. He's now the President, and he has to preside. He has to put up with the BS, he has to tell some people he'd rather not offend that the answer is 'no' and he has to tell some people he'd rather not agree with the answer is 'yes'. He has to be firm with our enemies, politic with our allies, and present a consistent image to the world. We need a leader, and he was elected to do the job. He needs to start doing it.

[Haggis@wk]

and is a good public speaker

He's actually a very poor speaker. That's why he can't give a six minute talk without a teleprompter. He hasn't had a public appearance in which he doen't use a teleprompter. The MSM won't tell you that of course.

[Giant Communist Robot]

Good in the sense that he gestures and pauses for dramatic effect, appears to look someone in the eye at the moment he is making a point, good vocal control, etc. He is an effective communicator, even if you don't like his message or the real message is different from the text, and so on. I'd say he compares well with Reagan, who also used a teleprompter and is held in high regard as a great communicator.

A bunch of politics is theater, and Reagan was no slouch there. I feel with Obama, the performance is the message mostly. Well timed smiles or frowns, somber resonant voice, calm and serious demeanor = this guy's in control and you shouldn't worry.

[Serenity]

Did you wander into the wrong thread?

No, the jokes are a response to the link Shapley placed about the Chinese ships harassing the U.S. Navy ship in International Waters. All I could think about were chinese jokes.

But, OK, let's get back to this topic................

John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”

McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied,

“I think you’re in my seat.”

[Serenity]

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shit?”

[Shapley]

No, the jokes are a response to the link Shapley placed about the Chinese ships harassing the U.S. Navy ship in International Waters. All I could think about were chinese jokes.

So you thought you'd harrass this US thread with Chinese jokes...

[Serenity]

No, the jokes are a response to the link Shapley placed about the Chinese ships harassing the U.S. Navy ship in International Waters. All I could think about were chinese jokes.

So you thought you'd harrass this US thread with Chinese jokes...

Think of it more as a reflex action, more involuntary than voluntary ............

[Shapley]

Massive Spending Bill Head To Obama's Desk For Signature

White House officials in recent weeks have dismissed criticism of the earmarks in the bill, saying the legislation was a remnant of last year and that the president planned to turn his attention to future spending instead of looking backward.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said Obama wouldn't be the first president to sign legislation that he viewed as less than ideal. Asked whether Obama had second thoughts about signing the bill, Gibbs' reply was curt: "No."

"This is necessary to continue funding government," Gibbs said. "It represents last year's business. Although it's not perfect, the president will sign the legislation, but demonstrate for all involved rules moving forward that he thinks can make this process work a little bit better."

Rumours are he plans to forge President Bush' signature onto the bill, since it's 'last year's business'...