Fix your job

[RC]

Serenity,
I started reading the tactics used by bullies and had to quit. It made me angry.

I really feel badly for you.

[mmichaelson]

Serenity-Good luck, and I hope you get out of what seems to be an unhappy situation!

[analog]

Thanks Serenity & OT for the kind words. I'll try to keep my foot out of my mouth.

Another book I found helpful in the workplace was Eric Hoffer's "Passionate State of Mind". It is a collection of insightful aphorisms, i could usually find one appropriate to any situation involving personalities. Kept it handy in my desk for twenty years and gave away several copies.

Thought this one possibly relevant to Serenity's plight:

"The real “haves” are they who can acquire freedom, self-confidence, and even riches without depriving others of them. They acquire all of these by developing and applying their potentialities. On the other hand, the real “have nots” are they who cannot have aught except by depriving others of it. They can feel free only by diminishing the freedom of others, self-confident by spreading fear and dependence among others, and rich by making others poor."

We cant change others, but reflection can change our reaction to them.

[RC]

ooooooh... I like that.

[Serenity]

Thanks for the encouragement folks. The reward of suffering is experience. People need hard times and oppression to develop psychic muscles!

[Selma in Sandy Eggo]

I read those "Bully" papers, and it turns out that we have an individual fitting that description in our office. One really good employee had to work with this induhvidual, got back spasms and ulcerative colitis, eventually transferred to another department.

I think I may have been briefly targeted and accidently detargeted myself. I decided that, since everytime we spoke I ended up all offended and angry, that it would be easier on me if I were the offensive rather than the offended party. Now, a caveat. The bully is not my supervisor. Now, an admission. I have a talent, no it's a positive gift, for mean and nasty. In general I prefer the long term results of kind, warm politeness. Occasionally, when all I desire of an individual is their absence, mean and nasty works out just fine.

This might only work this one time, on this one induhvidual, but it seems to have worked this one time on this one bully.

[Serenity]

I think the office bully is very common. As long as someone has power over another there will be abuse. It's challenging to be a good person. You eventually reach a point where you don't care anymore and you just have to take them down. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

[Selma in Sandy Eggo]

Serenity, read the Art of War. Study it.

[Serenity]

The Art of War by Sun Tzu or
The Art of War by Niccolo Machiavelli?

[Selma in Sandy Eggo]

I meant the chinese one, but have no objections to the italian writer. I have the greatest respect and admiration for both of the sneaky rotten authors. Both of them aim to be a healthy survivor with a destroyed enemy. This is not a bad plan.

Since you have been declared war on, you might as well plan to win if possible and survive if a win is not in the cards. There is also the very satisfying possibility of damaging the enemy, either way.

[Serenity]

I read a few chapters of Sun Tzu's book on internet. I get the general drift of the tactics. I tried reading Machiavelli's but I was too tired and was nodding off. I'll try again another day; maybe I just search for the cliff notes first.

I'm glad you're on my side Selma.....Hmmm, curious, they're playing Mars - The Bringer of War and I'm really feeling it! I'm going to have to get some of this pent up aggression out while the piece is still on........

[Selma in Sandy Eggo]

Originally posted by Serenity:
I'm going to have to get some of this pent up aggression out......

I find that making a couple of loaves of bread works just dandy. By hand. You dump and you stir and you stir harder. Then you dump the dough on a table, and start kneading. While visualizing an appropriate face onto the dough. Smash, punch, grind, twist, pound. The more you pound on the dough, the better the bread gets. You end up nicely de-aggressioned with two wonderful fragrent loaves of home-made bread.

[Serenity]

3 loaves: Bushbread, Kerryloaf and Boss Cross Buns

[piqaboo]

Originally posted by Serenity:
3 loaves: Bushbread, Kerryloaf and Boss Cross Buns

LOL!!!!!!!


Our office bully has it in for females. She promotes the guys who report to her and tries to get the women fired. I've gone three rounds with her, over two of my employees and myself. Fortunately I got my version to her boss before she did. (in an act of true tactful negotiation, I walked into his office one overtime Saturday, said "you have to help me or ***'s gonna fire me because I just yelled at her in public for the second time this week" and burst into tears. I dont recommend this method.)
Oddly, despite multiple complaints to her boss, from multiple departments, she's still there and still has people assigned to report to her.
One of my biggest career accomplishments is reporting to her for 18 months, getting good reviews, and NO one except her boss knew we were in conflict. It was hell. I danced the day I got transferred. (Then I found out she stole my best employee, who she then tried to fire less than a year later.... ).

Good luck Serenity. You are doing things right.

[Serenity]

The skillful leader subdues the enemy without any fighting; he captures their cities without laying siege to them; he overthrows their kingdom without lengthy operations in the field ~ Sun Tzu

[treebeau]

Ms. Serenity,

Time for you to update us on your job woes.

I noticed that you have been posting to the BBB during work hours and seem to recall that you said you weren't going to do that anymore.

Have things changed for the better?

Regards,
Tim B.

[Serenity]

Hi Tree!

I said I should not log in because I may be monitored; I didn't say I would not.

I'm still in limbo waiting for an HR decision to come my way. In the meantime, I try do everything I'm asked to do mixed in with everything I want to do if time permits. Since break time and lunch time is my time.....

I interviewed for a position elsewhere last week.

I've also been thinking. If harassment means to irritate or torment persistently, and abuse implies hurt or injury by mistreatment. Then, it follows that my supervisor has been abusive if I can prove that her mistreatment has affected my health.

Regards,
Serenity

[Serenity]

We have concluded our investigation into your statements and have found corroboration of some of your claims by others. We will do something to stop the behavior and will continue to monitor the situation until it becomes unnecessary to do so.

The company urges all employees to address complaints of harassment or discrimination immediately. If the company determines that inappropriate conduct has taken place, it will take all appropriate disciplinary action.

[Selma in Sandy Eggo]

Originally posted by Serenity:
We have concluded our investigation ...

Dare I hope that was a direct quote from HR? Whew!

I surmise that you are still employed, the witch is still employed, the witch has probably been beak-smacked, and you will probably both be monitored on occasion in the future.

Be careful, and assume that the witch will hold a grudge. Permanently. Continue doing things by e-mail with the "read receipt" box checked and keep copies off-line, backup copies of your work also off-line, and a personal journal. For at least the next few years.

Those day-runner things are the best thing since peanut butter.

[Serenity]

My boss will be "informed" of the situation and company policy this week by Upper Management. We will both be under the scope until further notice. I will be on vacation until Dec 1st. I wonder what changes will be in effect when I get back