Expresso Kamuchea

[tan]

No, big John, the bullies wee happily onna mine sticks here: those b52 babes need more than a bully to fly off, and we have no land mines here…

As for cleaning up after the elephant; ohh. Shap I should be so lucky: as i paid not a donation in that sense, but just put down my rent till I have a place of myself on the land and the money went towards the elephant:so, I have no such rights; see elephants are strict vegetarians, and great fertilizer they do produce! .. and the land i got is great. Today I had a lucky break, not only did the PA show up, turned out a pleasant man too, Manny-(the PA’s name) also found a gardener and a builder is inna wood work. The gardener has a farm. He looks at the ground and says; great soil. But you will need, eeh. I not know word. (???) you feed front cow, what come out the back.. ohh cow sh.. I say.yes, that maybe worse.(??)..!.
where did you learn your english.:seven day baptists he says, they not teach us word like that.(the word they do teach is' pooeh', the man must have been ill that day..).
I promised him to upgrade him on some of the ‘finer’points of the english language when we have to plant those 40 banana plants that jack found us…
(bye the way, the gArdener is still A BUDHIST, DIT NOT THINK THE SEVENTH DAY Adventist were too convincing. Why I asked why, he answered:, ‘hey why should I live l feel bad of guitly the things I never do …before.’
So much for the redeemer here abouts…

..Things are beginning to move, at quite a bit faster a pace than I did dare to hope; great, just a lot of work, but anything better than sitting around. Manni, the PA/, liaison etc, seems to be working out fine. The garden/land is cleared. Don’t even ask: we had to do most of it ourselves, as the Phnong- that we did hire for the job- just left and got drunk, and then got subsequently fired by me indeed... But now all seems to be on track; twenty banana plants are inna ground- jack’s idea of a practical joke; I said I needed forty banana plants at some point, and he just went and got them….,
A builder will give an estimate tomorrow;
I did make some changes in design eventually something dawned on me; why sit bye the road with me restaurant, if I can give my customers a beautiful little terrace with river frontage? No reason whatsoever; so I moved the whole place/theoretically so to speak around- and now it looks like it will be a lot more fun. On paper that is.
Oeff!, this place can be quite bitchy; some ‘ngo’ ettes’ are quite unbelievable; there is this well let’s call her the token town blonde, (Scandinavian of some sort) …, -works for the red cross-; well a Florence Nightingale she aint- just too dim, no lamps there what so ever; but let’s give her that one, she sure knows how to use people; asks questions, gets the answers she needs, the cuts people dead. snootiness

Strange; probably due to the large ngo community, hereabouts- we actually do have a week end . -in Snooky, every day is the same, only the banks are closed on Sundays, but as they have atm’s since a few month or thereabouts, even that does not matter.
here: a Friday is a Friday, a Saturday is... well, no New York Times onna bed and no brunch, nor bagels… but still a Saturday: at least a night to go out for an expensive but much needed feed at Dim’s and some booze….
.. And i find myself looking quite forward to it!
But first, a second meeting with the maybe- builder, and twenty more banana plants to plant, that maketh forty in two days. So, today, i do find myself singing; ‘yes we have no bananas....’ all day for some reason quite unfathomable… (Aww, i do like banana plants, if not bananas, but everybody else seems to like them, so…and the plants themselves are gorgeous
so jack‘s idea of a practical joke was to burry us in banana plants….
Tough on the bright side; yesterday, as i was sitting here, jack happened to sms’d to his dad; about yours truly and her ‘family’ ‘:
‘..And she has two bulldogs that are quite scary, now repairing the chainsaw and listening to Johnny cash.’ (Well syntax and punctuation not being big on sms…nor with the man it seems…
I do wonder what dad made of that one, jack does not tell.

..and the weekend did pass as expected: food and drink on Saturday at the bbq at Dim’s: everybody: starving, except for the people who work for the miners and de-miners- the mining company seems to be one of the great multinationals of the world and spends money and feeds their people well).but those big corporations sure have some funny, silly rules; do they ever!
Like: wearing seat belts:
(I-for-even got-what they are for). Well their people have to wear them at all times when in a vehicle. Maybe great inna collision, inna west? Maybe? But worthless here, as we never collide with anything but water buffalos, and then you’re dead anyways…we only turn our four wheel drives turtle on those awful country roads, and when that happens: those belts make getting out a lot more difficult. Well, then yet, rules are rules inna west, practicality does not really play a part in that one, now, does it???-Ohh what chance does our little and happily corrupt country stand…against- those- ‘powers of the world beyond???’- And their seat belts!
Anyways the guys working for those powers are quite ok. the bbq at Dim’s ended with the generator turned off, the stars very much in evidence and Phillip Glass playing on the laptop-powered by yes, the battery- and a south African and me telling each other Margaret
Fonteyn, Nuregjef and Quentin Crisp anecdotes. How nice. ( ..and I’d like to use my best auntie Mame voice here, but quite frankly?: yes, how nice: we are at the end off world and people actually know what they are talking about, quite a change from those stuck up secretaries of the ngo kind here abouts ,or the whore mongers of Snooky for that matter!.
Today is Sunday; and the week really has found a ‘shape’ so to speak: after breakfast, off to the jungle it is to jack’s camp and off with the bullies to the river, as gorgeous as always and the bullies get awfully muddy.
Back at home i try to wash Elvis, let him out, take a shower myself, and on getting out : Elvis has rolled, and i mean rolled- inna dirt; so the man looks even worse than before. so i try to wash the terra cotta off elvis, yet again, but now it won’t come off at all… just keeps sticking and he looks yet, even worse. So in the end i do give up and do hope it will wear off eventually, or maybe i just will have to learn how to live with a terra cotta colored Elvis.
On taking' a look at my land, i do realize that the neighbors stole some posts that i do happen to need for the shack we have to build next week.
and probably sensing my anger, Elvis almost killed their dog, the dog- a true and nasty mutt- was having a go at Dt for the umptiest time: suddenly Elvis was upon mutty: she was laying on her back, neck exposed-i.e. i do give up, and Elvis was just shaking her not giving a damn and just trying to break her neck... i pulled him off her, but the neighbors went, aww, never mind- we don’t like that mutt anyways…
(Elvis was having an off day; he also tried to kill Gofer- Jack’s dog and Jack did mind very much indeed…). i leave the ensuing wrestling match ; jungle, jutting out roots, wrestling dogs, us, the Phnong dogs meddling and the Phnongs themselves running away (something about devil western dogs they mumbled…..)-Etc, etc, - to your imagination, it was all that messy and then some1


And just in case you have not noticed yet; oh man the food hereabouts is so bad; we are starving. after the ministrations of any of the ‘ cooks’ other than Dim, the stuff really becomes sub-edible; so i bought some cookies to tide me and the bullies over. The same kind i did always buy in Snooky- but here they are Vietnamese; yeah, yeah: same package, same look, but the taste, the horror, the horror, the horror of it all: they are made with diesel-oil, old diesel oil-- i do not joke. Vietnamese made diesel cookies they are…
..time i did get me kitchen, because, strange as it may sound there is enough food here to make good food- that is actually fit for human consumption: except maybe the pilchard in tomato sauce; - not that me or any of my guests would ever miss those: the Chinese make them and they are not fit for human consumption, though great pet food in a place devoid of Sheba or nine lives or Alpo…or chappy? (ohh man i did even forget the brand names for pet food- not a great loss… but the real western made dog food might just be…, it just might be an alternative to the slop hereabouts…... aww i am not being half as nasty as i would like to be….. -still… tan behave! !!
The brand of pilchards they sell hereabouts comes also from Vietnam and it is- yet- even worse.
Not to deter the local ‘diner:–aww-dine/ pump station/ smuggling post / illegal wildlife trade post, (-not that we ever get to taste any of that stuff-)
. This: ‘diner’ will throw them pilchards into the ‘eggs with steak’’ (ha-ha)’ for free.
( aww! just imagine!? ):it is six am inna morning: the coffee is great, and you are starving, and eggs and some very dead beef it is- survivable, almost edible, were it not for those very dead, dead pilchards in ‘ tomato’ sauce on your plate, mixed in with the: eggs and’ steak’ read duck eggs and dead meat…, and them- the pilchards, lay onna plate-and are looking at you quite baleful while soulful at the same time :- so they look at you, and you look at them and: and nobody does say anything…’ ….. (To speak with the German poet Kurt Tucholsky) remember it is before six am inna morning. \

Aww well nobody ever said it was gonna be easy; and at least i do know where i will make me money!!!! Having said that: when Saturday night at Dim’s rolls around hereabouts: aw. we just keep out eyes fixed on that bbq, filled with the Lanzi goodies from pp, like vultures, we are…. trying not to drool- nor to faint before we start and to be ready for ‘the fight’ and go for it, trying to look civilized.. Trying and failing miserably-, it is hard to sneak up ona buffet with true predatory motive when all participants are trying to do the same!! Quite funny though ‘likes writers and poets at a free lunch,’ as my mum would have described it!).

..after the week end we were truly ready to crack; of course, it was not to be (anybody who ever built a house knows that feeling: it will never happen and bye the way? where is everybody that’ supposed to be here) the frustration level here can be staggering, it feels like listening to a very, very inept soprano; high and wobbly. And i think what am i doing here anyways.
But determination did get us somewhere: a new- yet again builder- might be just around the corner. Two Phnongs might be moving onto the land tomorrow to work on this AND that. The wood that we thought we had bought for the fence was not really ‘complete; shall we say; part of it was what we ordered, part was not. So we did adapt the design. Now the transport; the one who had to bring it is afraid that the police will want some baksheesh as in maybe legal maybe not. The wood is legal, only if the police here say its , you pay anyways, as they always say it isn’t legal. Hey those guys gotta live too. So the wood will have to come at night when mondul‘s finest are either drunk of asleep. - so the wood, legal as it is, will arrive like everybody else’s wood…in the middle of the night!
so, what will tomorrow bring...??? aww, que Serra Serra… I’ll just have a beer and try to forage for something for the bullies and me to snarf up…


.. just saw,a thousand posts all together, it seems so little...

[BigJon@Work]

Sounds like we need to organize a CARE package for Tan.

[tan]

..and then today, felt like a jigsaw puzzle finally coming together, the pieces falling into place…:the two phnong ladies who were willing to work on the land did not only show up-almost- on time, they just had taken the wrong road- but they actually, they do a great job!
The latest builder got the job. He is not a big builder, rather a small outfit trying to make a name as a builder for western owned businesses; just what I was looking for. The prices he quoted are right on the spot, slightly lower.
He made the ‘wood list’; i.e. the list to take to the wood yard and show to the proprietor. ‘That maybe take long time to find right wood’, Manny warns me. But lo and behold, the wood yarder looks at the list, takes us around and has as good as all that the pieces we need: koki wood. I have no idea what you call it in the west, about $160 us a kubic meter here abouts, hardwood, tropical hardwood, right from here. legal too. So theoretically we can start. The concrete pieces that the building is about to rest on are already ordered, so to pp it will be on Monday for me, to get money, and celebrate my birthday with Lanzi- If not the start of the works…of course, I do know, that the true suffering is just about to start, that’s a given, but once you start, the end is in sight, at least theoretically, that is! .next the well and sewage issue has to be tackled, it will be truly fascinating, I fear….oh yeah,they fence posts did make it too!
When we were putzing around the land, the South Africans happened by; the spouses; they liked the land and the little river, and I hope to see them there often, they are so much fun!
The name for the place has changed too;
I am buying banana plants and more banana plants, and will use them as partitions and general and main garden architectural feature. So we decided we call the place: bananas! or bananakiri.. Either one, or banana roads, or banana trails. The last word on what banana thing it will be is not yet spoken.
Spend a hilarious evening at Dim’s: banana circus, banantomic, banan mobile?
And then tried to convince jack-who is vegan- to start milking his elephant cows, and sell us the milk and make yoghurt -should sell well in the more nouveau riche/ alternative markets, we do think. Jack of course is dead set against it. Dim says, if the English peasants are anything like the french, jack will come around. well, maybe, so jack reacts with; oh horrors, not my elephants, not their milk!”
.. and then the week became really challenging: the builder decided to start ASAP: on Monday first choice. So off i had to go to pp. post haste. The entire wood ready, the builder ready...
And I could only spend one night there as jack has a toothache and needs to go to the dentist, and the builder wanting to start on Saturday- today and he did, he did… (so a quick run to pp it was; 8 hrs' son the taxi, bank ,some shopping w, dinner with Lanzi, to bed, up at 5am, get the stuff that arrived from Snooky get back ontaxi,9 hrs as it rains, and back we are in mondul’ a bit too short and fast for my taste.
And the builder said he was ready and so he started and so of course did the rains.
And that dreary mutt of a dog of jacks went walkabout. And did not come back.
.. Just great, after jack took such good care of my bullies, when he comes back to have to say; and bye the way, your dog, gofer, well he just walked off.
After a day of worrying and fretting of course gofer is found happily playing with Dim’s puppy, none the worse for wear-gofer- I would not be so sure about the puppy. Not after tonight anyways, I left the beast there, in order not to have to fess up anything tomorrow to jack, at least he the dog is safe at Dim’s and won’t leave there, will just muss up Dim’s floor, - has already coated them in loads and loads of muddy red paw prints thanks dim for giving me that break!
Well i do not need a care package, dear big john, I do need a kitchen!
These days i do splurge and eat at Dim’s every second day, and it feels a lot better, being fed with the big miners!
Tomorrow, as the building will really start, will be a bit of a busy day: the miners want to come up for drinks. To the land, and we do have two tents there, but it would be nicer if it was dry and sunny….-dream on, girl, the rains are coming down with a venegance again just now!
Today the wood was delivered or at least part of it. They dumped it at the top or the property. and left. We had to carry it down all the ways to the river. Not too pleasant inna rain!
Tomorrow i also will have to get the avocados out of the ONE tree remaining that has not been stolen empty. Will send the avocados to pp, where i do think Hurley’s cantina will be happy to get them for their guacamole.
Wow, those fruit are hanging high! - The ones on the lower branches having been stolen already. To get them out will be a challenge; they have these contraptions made of bamboo here, and supposedly one can use the basket on them to shake loose the fruit and bring them down safely and unbruised. Well, let’s see if it works…

..and then today, felt like a jigsaw puzzle finally coming together, the pieces falling into place…:the two phnong ladies who were willing to work on the land did not only show up-almost- on time, they just had taken the wrong road- but they actually, they do a great job!
The latest builder got the job. He is not a big builder, rather a small outfit trying to make a name as a builder for western owned businesses; just what I was looking for. The prices he quoted are right on the spot, slightly lower.
He made the ‘wood list’; i.e. the list to take to the wood yard and show to the proprietor. ‘That maybe take long time to find right wood’, Manny warns me. But lo and behold, the wood yarder looks at the list, takes us around and has as good as all that the pieces we need: koki wood. I have no idea what you call it in the west, about $160 us a kubic meter here abouts, hardwood, tropical hardwood, right from here. legal too. So theoretically we can start. The concrete pieces that the building is about to rest on are already ordered, so to pp it will be on Monday for me, to get money, and celebrate my birthday with Lanzi- If not the start of the works…of course, I do know, that the true suffering is just about to start, that’s a given, but once you start, the end is in sight, at least theoretically, that is! .next the well and sewage issue has to be tackled, it will be truly fascinating, I fear….oh yeah,they fence posts did make it too!
When we were putzing around the land, the South Africans happened by; the spouses; they liked the land and the little river, and I hope to see them there often, they are so much fun!
The name for the place has changed too;
I am buying banana plants and more banana plants, and will use them as partitions and general and main garden architectural feature. So we decided we call the place: bananas! or bananakiri.. Either one, or banana roads, or banana trails. The last word on what banana thing it will be is not yet spoken.
Spend a hilarious evening at Dim’s: banana circus, banantomic, banan mobile?
And then tried to convince jack-who is vegan- to start milking his elephant cows, and sell us the milk and make yoghurt -should sell well in the more nouveau riche/ alternative markets, we do think. Jack of course is dead set against it. Dim says, if the English peasants are anything like the french, jack will come around. well, maybe, so jack reacts with; oh horrors, not my elephants, not their milk!”
.. and then the week became really challenging: the builder decided to start ASAP: on Monday first choice. So off i had to go to pp. post haste. The entire wood ready, the builder ready...
And I could only spend one night there as jack has a toothache and needs to go to the dentist, and the builder wanting to start on Saturday- today and he did, he did… (so a quick run to pp it was; 8 hrs' son the taxi, bank ,some shopping w, dinner with Lanzi, to bed, up at 5am, get the stuff that arrived from Snooky get back ontaxi,9 hrs as it rains, and back we are in mondul’ a bit too short and fast for my taste.
And the builder said he was ready and so he started and so of course did the rains.
And that dreary mutt of a dog of jacks went walkabout. And did not come back.
.. Just great, after jack took such good care of my bullies, when he comes back to have to say; and bye the way, your dog, gofer, well he just walked off.
After a day of worrying and fretting of course gofer is found happily playing with Dim’s puppy, none the worse for wear-gofer- I would not be so sure about the puppy. Not after tonight anyways, I left the beast there, in order not to have to fess up anything tomorrow to jack, at least he the dog is safe at Dim’s and won’t leave there, will just muss up Dim’s floor, - has already coated them in loads and loads of muddy red paw prints thanks dim for giving me that break!
Well i do not need a care package, dear big john, I do need a kitchen!
These days i do splurge and eat at Dim’s every second day, and it feels a lot better, being fed with the big miners!
Tomorrow, as the building will really start, will be a bit of a busy day: the miners want to come up for drinks. To the land, and we do have two tents there, but it would be nicer if it was dry and sunny….-dream on, girl, the rains are coming down with a venegance again just now!
Today the wood was delivered or at least part of it. They dumped it at the top or the property. and left. We had to carry it down all the ways to the river. Not too pleasant inna rain!
Tomorrow i also will have to get the avocados out of the ONE tree remaining that has not been stolen empty. Will send the avocados to pp, where i do think Hurley’s cantina will be happy to get them for their guacamole.
Wow, those fruit are hanging high! - The ones on the lower branches having been stolen already. To get them out will be a challenge; they have these contraptions made of bamboo here, and supposedly one can use the basket on them to shake loose the fruit and bring them down safely and unbruised. Well, let’s see if it works…

[Shapley]

Tanja's Banana Cabana.

[piqaboo]

"Gone Bananas"

[jamiebk]

Banana fana fo...........

[BigJon@Work]

Well i do not need a care package, dear big john, I do need a kitchen!

Sorry, can't help you out there. Kitchens are very hard to ship . . .

How about The Banana Boat Your slogan could be "Slip into somethign a-peel-ing."

[tan]

..Well, I did decide to treat today like any other I mean, 52 years ain’t exactly something one advertises. So the building of the restaurant started in earnest, and i did treat myself to an afternoon of playing with my computer: working on the design of the first bungalow... at the land everything seems all right…

As I play contented on my new architecture and garden design program; off goeth the phone... jack what colour I prefer. - For what/ I ask. – For your walls he says. My walls? Yeah I am gonna paint you room for you. Do it in apricot, I say, thinking, oh my god, pastels - was it not that I do know the alternatives here (at least I did not ask for Bahamas beige) jack calls back and as he can’t get apricot, he got tangerine; also a fruit, he says happily: tagerine….well a gifted horse, and my wallsl wiil look awfull indeed. and anyways it is only for a few months, so i put away the computer. Tangerine, indeed... Neither peach nor cerise (thank Buddha for that one-hmmm, tangerine- high gloss too, bye the way. But then yet so be it. Jack arrives, my thoughtfully furnished, eh- I mean, dressed room is dismantled in minutes, the bullies none the happier for it: so they go and harass the phnong family that lives on the table or the upper terrace since yesterday and for the time being; as dad has an abscess in the foot, so, as long as the treatment lasts the family: ( book, phouk, phuk by name) have taken up residence on the table upstairs, it is a big table- but how they all fit on it to sleep is beyond me…some sleep under maybe…they are quiet and nice, though terrified of the bullies …..So here I am; chucked outta my room for aesthetic reasons- so to speak with my belongings stuffed into some unused office belonging to some happily preaching Christian sect, while the bullies are scaring the daylights outta the Phnongs.

As the table dwelling phnong famil somehow manages to cook and Jack happily spreads high gloss tangerine over me walls. The scene gets terrifyingly domestic:
with Manni laughing his head off about the color and Pim calling asking weather all that racket is my birthday party, well- kind of, maybe-
So off to Dim’s, I do flee for a few cold ones. Dim is most
understanding though snickers on the sly. I do not blame him; I have to laugh myself too...
On coming back I must admit: it looks as bad as I feared and then some. Very retro, very 60ties. Jack has no idea what I am talking about… makes me feel like singing: when I was a dinosaur!
The next day: at least I can blame my headache on the paint fumes... and try to keep up that ‘I do not have a hangover:’
At the land the concrete pillars that will be under the wooden building are almost ready, the wood seller arrives to get his money for the wood: all nice and well, but I will pay only for the wood actually delivered. And then the nightmare begins: how many cubic meters are actually on my land: nono, not that stuff over there that is from the other wood seller! Finaly after a lot of measuring and counting we have some figures that we can agree on. Next: how many cubes, how many riel and ultimately how many dollars.
Everybody is of good will, but we are certainly no Einstein’s: different is each and every number that everybody comes up with: everybody involved plus the neighbors- uninvited- though also happily pounding their pocket calculators. No we are no geniuses, none of us. (I have a pretty good idea how much it should be, but do not want to spoil everybody else’s fun): so, after a lunch break the pounding of calculators will start up again...
Meanwhile we did Get electricity today: the installation was only a fraction of the price that it would be in Snooky, a small consolation as the actual electricity is almost three times more expensive. At least till the power lines from Vietnam are ready: within the year dim reckons.
(They have it already in snuol, dirt cheap and reliable. Why in snuol? That terrible place1 when I told dim that during the war there was actually a battle of snuol he said: why? Why didn’t they just give it away... just imagine, dying for snuol…now, that’s sad!)

[tan]

..And the building goes steadily forward: the concrete pillars that form the foundation are ready and in place. Almost all the wood has arrived: except the old wooden house that I bought for two hundred dollars. The house will be dismantled on Sunday, and the spare parts will be delivered. Time to work on the well, the water tower and the open air bathrooms and then there is the romantic part: sewage. Most is already sorted – in theory that is. Plumbing and pump an\d somesuch is almost all budgeted and some already ordered on the way.
We were looking for a good place for the water tower when one of those exceptionally foul tempered ‘Vietnamese ‘hang belly pigs’ walked in: a special breed, I do understand that at some point they were quite popular as pets in Hollywood, though why anyone would want one of those is beyond me. The porker gets into a fight with neighbors’ mutt. Wins too, then he storms the workmen’s tent. Almost flattens it (that would have been the second time in two days; the first time got got run ove, when a jeep that brought some planks was accidentally started in reverse and flattened not only the tent, but also the just connected electricity).
Before the porker can do too much harm we decide to chase him. First he makes a stand then races off in panic: straight into the river. We see him swim- did not know pigs swam: and they don’t. Not for long anyways. Before we can rescue the beast, porky has vanished around a bend, and into the deep never to be seen again. Presumably lost at sea so to speak.
(I called an early lunch break, before the neighbors can ask awkward questions. What are we supposed to say:’ we drowned your porker?’/’ porky just sank’/ ’porky committed suicide’’???).

Further news from the pet front: we can no longer deny it; Gofer- Jack’s dog’ – has an insatiable appetite for- believe it or not -parrots. (A quite expensive diet according to Jack) And somehow Gofer manages to get them, time and again. He has even been known to open cages, and then: tweet, tweet, screech, a lot of colorful feathers and a parrot is no more. The other night he managed to get a wild one, - how we do not know. Gofer dragged it into Dim’s restaurant, where after some incredulity by the miners and deminers a wild chase ensued: we did get the parrot. Unharmed. and let the thing go. But- as soon as we had started back on our drinks: screech! tweet! There was Gofer back on the merry chase. Right in the middle of the restaurant. The parrot flapped around, Gofer went after it and some messy chasing ensued yet again until, we caught the parrot yet again and Dim put him in a cage and insisted Gofer be tied up. The parrot recovered quite nicely from the shock and was set free after a few days. By comparison the bullies are rather well behaved: they only stole an undisclosed number of avocados ate them all and got predictably sick. And: DT stole a kid’s ice cream and chased the kid down the street…- not to be tolerated of course, but quite funny- according to Jack..
Thanks, guys, i do like the banana cabana, and the gone bananas as in gone fishing?!

[Selma in Sandy Eggo]

Pot-bellied pigs. That's what they call the creatures here. And you're right, I don't think they make very attractive pets. My favorite thing about pig is the way they taste roasted. Or barbecued. Or smoked and made into ham and bacon.

The Wild Animal Park had some potbellies out in the petting corral, along with goats and some deer, for children to pet and feed. My kids loved petting everything, but the goats were by far the nicest animals. Even the nice piggies were not all that nice. Deer were rather aloof. Goats are cheerful moochers and will be your best friend as long as you've got some food in your hands.

The tangerine room sounds lovely. It needs lime green, electric blue, and shocking pink accessories to be truly '60s. I think some lime green polka dot voile would make lovely curtains for a tangerine room, eh? Brings back visions of my youth. I wonder if such fabric can be found anymore.

I'm wondering what's up with the dogs. Avocados. Parrots. These are not usual puppysnack items.

[piqaboo]

gone bananas as in gone fishing?!

Yes, that, and also: as in gone insane/ gone mad/ bonkers / nuts.
verruckt. (spelling?)

[BigJon@Work]

and a parrot is no more.

A customer enters a pet shop.

Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Customer: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
Customer: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closin' for lunch.
Customer: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I
purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Customer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's
wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Customer: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking
at one right now.
Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian
Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
Customer: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Customer: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the cage)
'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if
you show...(owner hits the cage)
Owner: There, he moved!
Customer: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
Owner: I never!!
Customer: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Customer: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up
in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Customer: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Customer: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues
stun easily, major.
Customer: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this.
That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein'
tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Customer: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why
did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit,
squire? Lovely plumage!
Customer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home,
and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in
the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down,
it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Customer: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts
through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Customer: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased
to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft
of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be
pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off
the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run
down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
Owner: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots. Customer: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Customer: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?
Owner: Nnnnot really.
Customer: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Owner: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you.
Customer: Bolton, eh? Very well.

The customer leaves.

The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false
moustache.

Customer: This is Bolton, is it?
Owner: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.
Customer: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.

The customer goes to the train station.
He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".

Customer: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
Customer: I beg your pardon...?
Attendant: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
Customer: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
Attendant: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 200 lines, you know.
Customer: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.
Attendant: No, this is Bolton.
Customer: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!
Attendant: Can't blame British Rail for that.
Customer: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

He does.

Customer: I understand this IS Bolton.
Owner: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
Customer: You told me it was Ipswitch!
Owner: ...It was a pun.
Customer: (pause) A PUN?!?
Owner: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
Customer: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
Owner: Yeah, that's it!
Customer: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It don't work!!
Owner: Well, what do you want?
Customer: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly ...

[Shapley]

We have a pair of baby skunks living in the undergrowth along our driveway. We had the hayfield cut, so it's possible that they were run out of the their den, as they seem to be wandering about in broad daylight, unusual behavior for skunks.

There has also been a coyote wandering along the highway the past several mornings well after sunup. Also unusual behavior. He appears to be young - little more than a pup - and the roadside was recently bush-hogged, so he, too, may have been rendered homeless. he seems to have little or no fear of humans, or of the automobiles that speed past, so I'm worried he may be rabid. Hopefully he'll be dispensed with soon enough. His behavior is most odd.

V/R
Shapley

[tan]

..And a busy time it is: the frame of the building went up., and it seems that building is getting there just a tad faster than anticipated.
The well is dug too: the well digger said it might take several tries. Yes, he would start the next day, and keep making holes and probably hit rock a few times, but eventually he would get to water. Eventually. Before my inner eye I saw the land full of half dug holes looking somewhat like a Swiss cheese. The digger asked for some money to buy offerings for the gods. Manni told him to hold off on the pig, as we already sacrificed one that day... (Hmm, he did not tell the man how...).
The next day I found the digger happily digging away at a site quite different from the one we decided on the day before. Why? Well, he had a dream, he said. Hmm. But lo and behold, half a day later he did hit water!
So, now we have water. I had to make a flying visit to pp, and while I was there I did get us a bathtub and a water heater. We will install the tub, right in the middle of the greenery: of course with a wall around it for privacy, but the whole thing will be open to the sky. Then I can rent hot bath to weary tourists!

[piqaboo]

I bought a shower once. We'd been backpacking for two weeks and were looking at a 6 hour drive home. The shower was worth every exorbitant penny!

[tan]

..the rains have come and it is quite authumnal, reminiscent of an early,rainy fall day in the west. The palms shiver in a grey mist and look like 19th century engravings.
Meanwhile the restaurant is half ready, two more weeks, weather permitting. We are waiting for some more straw for the roof; it seems to be stuck in some village where the road has gotten impassable. And muddy it is, thick read mud oozing and giving a nice slippery layer that sends vehicles and pedestrians flying at an interesting rate. Everybody is muddy and wet.
I am trying to design: the bar, the banners that are to be the signs of the place, the menus, the bathrooms, steeped up to my neck in various design programs…I am...
Life has definitely settled into some kind of rhythm: early mornings, designing, paying bills, looking at the progress, cursing about the gargantuan quantities of wood that seem to be necessary, counting wood- no some was stolen- let’s get it back or the builder pays for it- back to the computer, back to the land, more bills and finally dinner at Dim’s where we all laugh about the absurdity of our days.
I have to admit though; this place is growing on me more by the day, even if i can’t wait for the building of the restaurant to be over and ‘real life’ to start.
Everybody says that the building is going up with the light of speed, surely by local standards. The place looks good too; just lost 60 photos that i took of the first phases. Pushed some wrong button on the camera… so you can only see the more recent one…
Some where next week I’ll take of for the final and grand shopping finale, shortly before I move into the place. It will be camping for the first few month, but I am quite looking forward even to that; and to get really started. It is off season, so there are almost no tourists about, but there are quite a few expats living here. Am quite curious if they will show up.

We watched an interesting movie at Dim’s yesterday: Goran, by Patrice Legrand. Set to Bulgarian (!?) choir music, pictures of daily life in cambo: things that we do see every day, and that we know and love, but rarely ever think about these days anymore. (We really did forget how strange this country and our day to day existence must seem to other people on this planet). It is a wonderful little film. – What Goran actually means? We do not know even the most fluent Khmer speakers amongst us do not have a clue!

[tan]

..It seems to be a sad but true fact that the good citizens of mondul’ see stealing and cheating as a well respected cottage industry.
As i have lived in Asia fort years and years now, I thought I knew most of the tricks. And so I do, but not all; most of the time i catch the culprits, red handed too: the other day the builder’s wife stole quite some of my avocados- mind you, as I have too many of those anyways, i would have given them to her, had only she asked. But no, she picked them and hid them in the cement bucket.
Even though he over ate and over ate on avocados, elvis somehow did not get over his fondness for the fruit. As there is nothing wrong with Elvis’s nose, he sniffed out the stolen avocados, went to the bucket picked out one, ate it, went back got another one, and so on until they were finished, the lady in question looked very unhappy; and her kid also said- in Khmer of course; look mummy, the dog eats the fruit you take off the lady’s tree. As the fruit were mine anyways, she could not protest. It was funny.
This morning took the cake; I was on my way to the land, and lo and behold before my door an eighteen wheeler. And some guys loading in some stuff. I try to get there fast, and promptly slip in the mud and sink quite a bit before regaining enough footing to finaly make it- muddied and all to the truck; they are loading in the wood shavings, quite a lot of them. All of them. No, i did not ask them to come, did not sell them either. The builder and Manni look at a loss too; they did not know where these people come from. Put them back, i say. You these people very impolite, Manni says, they are thieves i say, they say no we do not put the shavings back me: yes you will, now! No, they say. This goes on for a bit, until elvis shows up, sees me angry and growls and starts to intimidate them. They decide to put the shavings back after all, try to get away with replacing only half. ‘all.’ i say. ‘now.’ elvis grins on, and swallows a fallen avocado whole, his maws clam around it and the avocado is no more, that gets them moving. (The shavings are meant as covering for the garden path, so my guests won’t slip slide on their way to the restaurant.

another one that i love particularly; we have about five orphans in town that have nowhere to go, in general the family structure here abouts is so tribal that there is always somebody to take care of orphaned kids.
Still, we do have an orphanage, quite a big one at that. It is run and owned by some rather rabid American Christian sect.
They spend about a week a month there ‘running’ the place; when they are there the orphanage is brimming with kids, when they are gone; only our four or five orphans remain there. Why? Well each and every thrifty mother in towns sends her kids to the orphanage for a week of good food and free school. No, no converts are made of them either... the Christians are happy anyways, and the mum’s and their budgets get a break every month. (No of course we do not enlighten the sectarians, we have to live in this town, remember! and anyways we do think it is pretty funny!).

..it seems that the place will be more or less ready to go in a week or so;
and i am very curious how it will go.first i will have to be in pp one more time to get all the myriad little things that are neccesary to run a restaurant....
a whole pick up truck will have to be rented,and then i can only hope that we will not get stuck in the mud somewhere in the jungle...

[Shapley]

I suspect that orphanage is happy to show pictures of how busy they are to their financial supporters. I wonder why they think the orphans only need care one week out of the month? Are the kids supposed to fend for themselves the other three?

From the sound of things, the building is going up at a pretty rapid pace. Looking forward to seeing the photos.

V/R
Shapley

[tan]

..The ‘jungle Sundays ‘are becoming quite dear to us. - and will become so to quite a few others, when we start taking tourists after the rains. It is fun to go and play in the wilderness; we can combine it with a brunch, a pick nick, or after jungle bath and bbq and of course after jungle drinks.
Today, we went to visit our’ elephant; here she is, a bit skittish during her r&r period in reasonable freedom. No, she did not want to be petted at all, even though she had decided that, yes, we were human, and yes quite harmless ones at that..;
Afterwards we went with the phnong family that takes care of her to, yes, yet another water fall. We had to ford the river twice and the waterfall? ; Spectacular. Of course.





(We realized that we had lost grandma and mum once we were back in the truck and half way to their village, but grandpa said to never mind, let them walk so the men can get drunk in peace… (We contributed $2.50 to the festivities and beat a hasty retreat before they could rope us into the rice wine.)









The Leeches are quite spectacular too, and out in forces. Thought I had them shaken off, but no, upon hitting the shower at the house I came to realize two had gotten away with a free lunch after all. I am not too impressed by these admittedly despicable creatures, what irks me is feeding them.
While unbeknowest to me the leeches lunched on me, we lunched late at the terrible restaurant and watched the cnn news, enjoying the nose dive of the dollar and wondering why everybody had to kill everybody else all the time.. probably connected those two, but we are too lazy to work that one out.
Then we went to the land; the builder really got cracking now; he had started the bathroom and the bath tub room. Not knowing what a bathtub exactly is, he had made the toilet room as big as a ballroom and the bathtub room too small. We were just in time. But only just. Five minutes longer lunch? Aww, we lucked out here…

Pim called this morning to tell me what is happening in Snooky: Bob found a job. He is now working for the reef resort a spectacular and friendly place. Good luck Bob!
Kimberly and her dad are back in Snooky. They moved into a place down the block from Pim’s and Wilma’s; welcome back guys! give me a call! And visit as soon as the roads are better!
Wilma had dengue fever, quite badly, bust is recovering now.
The hill bye now is entirely in ‘French hands’.
( No comment here from my side…).
And last not least it is raining heavily in Snooky. Same as here.

No, Shap, what the christians think they are doing with the orphanage is beyond us, but un-beknowest, they do provide some kind of community service...

[tan]

..sorry, the photos got on a bit helter skelter, the internet here is not exactly state oft he art;here two more pics; mushrooms and one of those pigs who's family member we drowned...



..bye the way;when i do come back from pp, i will buy two little goats; as i do hate any mechanical kind of lawnmower, this seems to be the solution, provided i can keep them outta the vegetable garden, and away from the straw roof...if that does not work, we can always eat them..