Jokes! :)

[Trumpetmaster]

Where does Santa go on holiday?



Santarctica

[navneeth]

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew the doctor's habit and would always have a drink waiting. But one day the bartender ran out of hazelnut extract, so he substituted hickory nuts. When the doctor arrived, he took a sip and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"




"No, I'm sorry," the bartender replied. "It's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

/*Not a joke*/:P

Ever googled for hazelnut daiquiri or hickory daiquiri? I have.

[Trumpetmaster]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't
have your kayak and heat it, too.

[Trumpetmaster]

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton
fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became
known as the lesser of two weevils.

[Trumpetmaster]

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while
in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says,
"I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and
it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with
the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "Theres no plate like chrome for the
hollandaise!"

[Trumpetmaster]

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a
beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge

[Trumpetmaster]

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each
other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an
electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

[Trumpetmaster]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent
in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would
win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[Trumpetmaster]

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a
family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her
husband responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen
Amal."

[Trumpetmaster]

Why did the chicken cross the playground?



To get to the other slide.

[Trumpetmaster]

What do elves learn in school?



The Elf-abet!

[Trumpetmaster]

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?



Missletoe!

[Trumpetmaster]

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?




Frostbite.

[Trumpetmaster]

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?





Because he had low elf esteem.

[Trumpetmaster]

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?





So he can ho-ho-ho.

[navneeth]

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a
family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her
husband responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen
Amal."

That was nice.

[Trumpetmaster]

What kind of bird can write?



A PENguin.

[Trumpetmaster]

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?



Fleece Navidad!

[Trumpetmaster]

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?




Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

[Trumpetmaster]

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?





Snowflakes.