"And now for something completely different"

[Jane]

...Tarzan and Ort, then personally and makes a run for the door before anything else can be chucked in his direction.

Tarzan and Ort both look up in time to see the baby rhino plumeting towards them at speeds that could...

[Tarzan]

...cause elephant to break wind,....

[piqaboo]

Oh, is that what your signature represents! :ewwww:

[Shapley]

...or at least bend it a little. The wind, however, had other ideas, as it refused to budge, holding the baby rhino suspended temporarily, then slowly moving it upwards and to the North, towards the glacial fields.

Tarzan, who had been watching this with amused satisfaction, began to...

<small>[ 11-14-2005, 05:57 PM: Message edited by: Shapley ]</small>

[Tarzan]

...think about lonely he is now that Jane gone from jungle. He think about maybe ask Ort if Lula like great outdoors and tropical climates. Tarzan decide it time for banana daquiri, and...

[piqaboo]

to scratch his sudden itch.

Izzy got mad. He'd personally tesseracterized that baby rhino and its Mytie mama,and he wasnt letting any ape-man nor any wind interfere with him. (His stash always gave him feelings of power and intolerance for frustration). He reached out with his free hand (the other was holding his stash), scooped the baby rhino out of the air, and popped it right back into the tesseractile closet with its mama. But then, reminded of the existence of the glacial fields, he took a big hit and started walking toward them, thumb out.

Tarzan scratched madly, but it didnt help. Finally, watching Izzy saunter along, Tarzan realized that he had no ordinary itch. What he had was the itch to move on (aka wanderlust). So, he hoisted up his loin clothe, yodeled for Jane, and set off for the glacial north himself, following neatly in Izzie's size 13W footsteps. Naturally, .....

<small>[ 11-15-2005, 01:56 PM: Message edited by: piqaboo ]</small>

[Shapley]

... Jane did not follow. She had had enough of that rugged life to last her three lifetimes. Let him freeze his half-naked butt off he wanted, she was staying put, here, right here, right here in....er....where exactly is this place?

Jane looked around, nothing looked familiar to her. She knew she had been skipping from reality to fantasy and back, but she thought she had kept track of her progress. She suddenly realized she would have to scroll back two or three pages if she was to figure it out, if even then. It really didn't seem to be worth the effort, since, basically, wherever she was, she was here, now, and she'd have to deal with it. At least she wasn't swinging around the jungle any more. And, Tarzan was gone. Good riddance, she thought, as she turned and looked for a shopping boutique, where she might find a...

<small>[ 11-15-2005, 01:30 PM: Message edited by: Shapley ]</small>

[Jane]

better fitting outfit. Not that the leopard pattern formal didn't look smashing on her, but it was uncomfortable and completely illogical for reality jumping. What she really needed was a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. So she set off to find a good deal and . . .

[piqaboo]

, of course, a pair of Carlos Santana fringe-heeled suede sandals (the ones with the 4.5" heels). They werent all that good for walking, but boy did they make a first impression! And they could always be hooked over her belt when she was traveling fast (she gave silent thanks for her jungle-induced calluses. She wouldnt be hooking any tennis shoes over that belt!) (then she cursed, annoyed to have to be thankful for anything to do with that stint in the jungle. She missed Boy, but that poop-pitching Cheetah was much better gone gone gone!).

Walking briskly along in her leopard formal, she ....

[Tarzan]

...walk by mirror shop and notice her relfection in mirrors in display window. She find that she look fabulous in new ensemble(She never dress like that while she in jungle - Tarzan perplexed to say least....).

Toward far end of mirror shop, there is man glazing in new window. Something look strangely familiar about glazier.....

[Jane]

. . . but shrugged it off as a trick of the light and moved on to the next shop.

She was about to go in when . . .

[Shapley]

... the glazier spoke.

"Aaaah -oh-ah-ooooh-ah-oh-ah-oh"" He said. Jane turned, not expecting to hear this.

She replied: "Eeeh -oh-oh-ah-ah-oh-oh-eeeeh?"

To which the glazier responded, "I'm sorry, are you making fun of me?" he asked, "It's not very funny, I darned near cut my hand off!"

He showed Jane the bleeding cut in his palm. Oh! Oh! Oh! He said, (forgetting his punctuation) as he dabbed it with a handkerchief. He then wrapped it tightly with the handkerchief, tied a knot securely, and returned his attention to the business at hand.

Jane, turned, looked at the entry to the next shop, and read the notice posted there. It read...

<small>[ 11-18-2005, 03:42 PM: Message edited by: Shapley ]</small>

[Jane]

..."Closed for lunch or maybe forever, depending on how well I like lunch."

"Odd," Jane said aloud to no one but herself.

"What's odd?" asked someone behind her, who happened to be eavesdropping on Jane's conversation with herself.

Startled, Jane turned to find. . .

[Shapley]

... that she had once again warped into another dimension, this one being a slightly pale shade of red, with just a hint of lavender around the edges.

"Oh, my!" She said, turning back, hoping that the shop would still be there in front of her. Of course, it wasn't. There stood now, in the place where she had hoped to find the shop, a rather large and ominous-looking...

[Tarzan]

...treehouse. Something look very familiar about treehouse, but Jane cannot quite place source of deja vu all over again. Jane have sense she had seen all this once before, perhaps bad dream. But then again, must not have been bad dream, because Jane realize she feel nostalgic while looking at big treehouse.

Suddenly, voice behind her say, "I don't remember if I properly introduced myself previously, but my name is Izzy the Stoner. " (Tarzan wonder what rocks have to do with man named Izzy - Tarzan perplexed) Izzy go on further to explain treehouse hallucination actually part of his current trip (Tarzan also wonder about why travel cause person to see things - Tarzan very perplexed), and not to be concerned. Store really still there, she just have to.....

(Jane, Tarzan need you come back to jungle. Boy now in publicity, and now look strangely at anything female. Tarzan at loss for what to do. Cheetah still touching himself, but now can do layups off backboard photo of Gearge Bush. Tarzan desperately need your help. Will do anything to make branch more inviting for Jane, even lace curtains.)

<small>[ 12-01-2005, 01:51 PM: Message edited by: Tarzan ]</small>

[Jane]

. . . click her heals together three times, yodel the national anthem of ethiopia, and make two full spins, all while juggling a dozen eggs.

"Oh is THAT all," thought Jane.

It was either that to agree to go back to the jungle with Tarzan.

And with that she made up her mind and decided to. . .


( Tarzan: Jane doesn't like lace curtains. You'll have to take two nights a week to cook dinner, and there had better a way to get some air conditioning in that tree house before Jane would even consider going back to the jungle...)

[Shapley]

..try the clicking heels, yodeling, juggling thing. She closed her eyes, pulled a dozen snake eggs from her purse why does she carry those things around all the time?, spun twice (or thrice, she lost count), and began yodeling the national anthem for Eritrea, which was close, but not close enough. As the swirling noises surrounded her, and she felt her body lifted from the ground, she realized her mistake. She stopped yodeling instantly, which the wrong thing to do, as she now found herself...

[Tarzan]

....in middle of street, which was bad place to be. Lot of traffic, and Jane now dizzy. Jane try staggering back to side walk, but....

(Hmmm. Jane used to like lace curtains. Tarzan decide Jane is fickle, but Tarzan will try to adapt. Tarzan happy to split cooking chore. Cold cereal every night get old. Air conditioning tricky prospect. Tarzan will have to find contractor willing to come to jungle. Tarzan will try, but make no promises.

Maybe Tarzan and Jane need mediator.......)

[Jane]

. . . found that in this dimension, the sidewalks did just that: walk side-ways, making it most difficult to reach safety.

Suddenly, a thought struck Jane and she searched her purse to see if she could find . . .

(Tarzan, the curtain thing is just another part of that whole mid-life-crisis-thing remember? Jane will probably snap out of it eventually. Then, realizing what a lovely home life she had back in the jungle with her family, she'll set out in search of those peop . . . er. . . acquaintances she left behind. But then again . . . the forest has some nice trees too. )

[piqaboo]

... her tube of CrabTree and Evelyn footcream. Freshly applied to her recently manicured tootsies, it ought to allow her to master the odd side-ways movement needed to gain the sidewalk and safety. Once there, she could deal with the question of how to inactivate the effect before it caused her to ....

<trees, schmees. Tarzan, what Jane wants is a full-time cook and housekeeper, and a weekly massage & pedicure. Airconditioning is just a pretext. Get with the program, man!>