And there's more.<BR>====================<P>Brutus' Last Stand <P>A little old man stumbles into a biker bar and asks, "Does anyone knows who's Doberman Pincher is outside chained up?<BR>The burliest, ugliest and hairiest guy in the joint stands up and mutters, "It's mine old timer? What's it to you?" <BR>"I hate to be the bearer of such dreadful news, but I believe the poor beast has passed on," explained the old man.<BR>"What? Are you sure? How did he die?" asked the shocked biker guy. "It seems that my dog killed him, I'm sorry to say," replied the old man. <BR>"I don't buy it," remarked the biker in disbelief, "No dog could beat my Brutus. <BR>"It's true, my Gunther killed him."<BR>"Oh yeah? Well, what kind of dog is your Gunther, anyway?" <BR>"A Chihuahua," answered the old man. <BR>"There is no way that a measely little Chihuahua could have killed Brutus. No way." <BR>"If you don't believe me, take a look for yourself," instructed the man, "It looks he tried to swallow him whole and choked to death."
<P> <BR> =============================<BR> <BR> <BR> <P>Bull Grapevine <P>Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. <BR>First Bull: Boys, we all know I've been here five years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't giving' him any of mine. <P>Second Bull: That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here three years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight him, run him off or kill him, but I'm KEEPING' ALL MY COWS. <P>Third Bull: I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows. <P>They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point. <P>First Bull: Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend. <P>Second Bull: I have plenty of cows to take care of, if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument. <P>They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting. <P>First Bull: Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it. <P>Third Bull: Hell, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull.
<BR> <BR> -----------------------------------<BR> <BR> <BR> <P>C-ing I Dog <P>Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea. <BR>"Just watch me and follow my lead," he said. <P>He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, "I'm sorry but I can't let you in here." <P>The guy looked at the bartender and asked, "Why not?" <P>The bartender replied, "Well, we don't allow dogs into the bar." <P>"But this is my seeing eye dog," the guy said. <P>"Oh, I'm sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever." <P>The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can't let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar. <P>"But this is my seeing eye dog," said the second guy. <P>The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, "Sir, ah… um… a Chihuahua?" <P>The man looked a little puzzled and then said, "What? They gave me a Chihuahua?"
<BR> <BR> =========================<BR> <BR> <BR> <P>Cat On A Hot Tin Roof <P>A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, ''I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died." <BR>The man was very upset and yelled, ''You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.'' <P>The brother thought about it and apologized. <P>"So how's Mom?" asked the man. <P>"She's on the roof and won't come down."
<BR> <BR> ----------------------------------------<BR>Cow and Her Apples <P>A squirrel is chillin' in a tree when a cow climbs up and sits next to him. <BR>"Whatcha doin' here?" asks the squirrel. <BR>"I'm here to eat some apples." <BR>"But this is a pine tree!" <BR>"I know. I brought my own apples."
<BR>------------------------------------<BR>'It's a cracker'
I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best