Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Postby lliam » Wed Jan 08, 2003 8:06 am

What's the definition of a male quartet?<BR>A. Three men and a tenor.<BR>----------------------------<BR>------------------------------<BR>The Universal Banjo Tune, in tablature<P>----H----B---h---B----------H-------B---B-H-------- --h---H--B---------B--------H---H---B-H-B---H------ ---------B-----h-----B------H-B---------B-----H---- <BR>-----------h-----------h----------h---------------- <BR>------------------------------------------------B--<P>Tab key: h=hit it! H=hit it harder! B=beat it!<P>-------------------------------------------------------------- :) :D :p :cool:
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Re: Jokes

Postby OperaTenor » Thu Jan 16, 2003 9:27 pm

For all you sopranos out there:<P>Conductor to orchestra at the start of the rehearsal:<P>"Please get out your pencils. We have some marking to do. The first two bars are in 3/4, not 4/4 as written. Next, in the 5th bar, change it to 7/8 and this remains to the end. In bar 7 we lower the pitch a half step. In bar 13 we lower the pitch one whole step and this will remain to the end. In bar 26 where it says strict tempo, cross that out and write in molto rubato. In bar 32 cross out the grand pause. And in bar 44, take out the legato and write in staccato. Thank you. Let's begin."<P>Soprano soloist: "Excuse me, Maestro. What would you like me to change?"<P>Conductor: "Nothing at all Madam. Sing it exactly as you did yesterday."<P> :)
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Re: Jokes

Postby bignaf » Thu Jan 16, 2003 9:38 pm

OT LMAO.<BR> :D <BR>Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?<BR>A: Sit in the back and don't play.<BR>----------------<BR>Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert.<P>"There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"<P>Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint, "Write your repertoire." <BR>-----------<BR>Lauda: The difference between shawms and krummhorns<BR>Major Triad: The name of the head of the Music Department. (Minor Triad: the name of the wife of the head of the Music Department.)<BR>Mean-Tone Temperament: One's state of mind when everybody's trying to tune at the same time.<P>Messiah: An oratorio by Handel performed every Christmas by choirs that believe they are good enough, in cooperation with musicians who need the money.<P>Metronome: A dwarf who lives in the city.<BR>Minnesinger: A boy soprano or Mickey's girlfriend in the opera.<P>----------------<BR>Tempus perfectum: A good time was had by all.<P>Tone Cluster: A chordal orgy first discovered by a well-endowed woman pianist leaning forward for a page turn.
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Re: Jokes

Postby priya978 » Thu Jan 16, 2003 9:46 pm

OT, HA, ha, ha!!!<BR>Never heard that one before.
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Re: Jokes

Postby OperaTenor » Fri Jan 17, 2003 1:00 am

Guys,<P>I know this is worth a laugh all on it's own, but I only, just now, figured out what "LMAO" stands for, and, thank you. Boy, sometimes there's no gettin' one by me! :p<P>Like I've said before, I'm kinda new at this BB stuff. :cool:<p>[ 01-17-2003: Message edited by: operatenor ]
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Re: Jokes

Postby bigjoel » Tue Jan 21, 2003 4:14 pm

Q. What do you call two horns playing in unison?<BR>A. A minor second.<P>Q. What's perfect pitch?<BR>A. When you throw the accordion in the dumpster and it hits the banjo
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working when you get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until you get to the office. <BR>-Robert Frost
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Re: Jokes

Postby OperaTenor » Tue Jan 21, 2003 5:47 pm

Joel, LMAO! The only thing you missed were the bagpipes....oops....wrong thread.... :D
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Re: Jokes

Postby bignaf » Tue Jan 21, 2003 7:30 pm

OT ROTFLMAO
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Re: Jokes

Postby shostakovich » Tue Jan 21, 2003 11:09 pm

Roll over the floor let me ask owlice???<BR>Limited imagination.
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Re: Jokes

Postby bignaf » Tue Jan 21, 2003 11:12 pm

hehe shos lmao
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Re: Jokes

Postby owlice » Tue Jan 21, 2003 11:34 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by shostakovich:<BR><STRONG>Roll over the floor let me ask owlice???<BR>Limited imagination.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Oooooooh, I am SO glad I'm alone in the house and don't have to explain why I'm laughing so hard!
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Re: Jokes

Postby OperaTenor » Wed Jan 22, 2003 2:08 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by shostakovich:<BR><STRONG>Roll over the floor let me ask owlice???<BR>Limited imagination.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> :D<P>PS. Really tough to come up with the "A" and the "F".<p>[ 01-22-2003: Message edited by: operatenor ]
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Re: Jokes

Postby priya978 » Wed Jan 22, 2003 3:50 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by operatenor:<BR><STRONG><BR>PS. Really tough to come up with the "A" and the "F".<BR>[ 01-22-2003: Message edited by: operatenor ]</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I would think it would be. Way too much time on your hands eh?<BR> :D
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Re: Jokes

Postby OperaTenor » Wed Jan 22, 2003 1:15 pm

Touche', E. <P>I thought that was one of my wittier strokes. Of course that stuff always comes up late at night after rehearsal when I'm trying to decompress enough to go to sleep, so maybe it's just a bunch of cerebral spew! :D
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Re: Jokes

Postby EJA » Wed Jan 22, 2003 6:35 pm

Spew, yes. Cerebral? That's doubtful.
– EJA

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Re: Jokes

Postby OperaTenor » Wed Jan 22, 2003 6:45 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by EJA:<BR><STRONG>Spew, yes. Cerebral? That's doubtful.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Gee, I don't see any smilies or "j/k"'s, so how should I interpret that?
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Re: Jokes

Postby priya978 » Wed Jan 22, 2003 7:27 pm

Triumphant at last!!! :D <BR>Boy does it feel good! :cool:
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Re: Jokes

Postby EJA » Thu Jan 23, 2003 1:46 pm

Oh! Goodness! Where are my manners?<P> :D Just kidding :D
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Re: Jokes

Postby OperaTenor » Thu Jan 23, 2003 1:53 pm

Thanks for the clarification! :) Sometimes in my arbitrary, subjective, and opinionated life I'm afraid I become illogical and sensitive.....oops.....wrong thread.....<BR> :D<p>[ 01-23-2003: Message edited by: operatenor ]
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Re: Jokes

Postby OperaTenor » Mon Jan 27, 2003 1:03 pm

A guy goes to the barber for a shave. He says, "I can't seem to get a close enough shave on my cheeks." So the barber gives him a small wooden ball and says, "Here, put this in your mouth between your cheek and gum while I shave you." So the guy does, and the barber gives him the closest shave he's ever had! He then asks the barber, "So what happens if I accidentally swallow the ball?" The barber replies, "Just bring it back to me the next day like everyone else."<P><BR>Ba-da-ting!
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